Fan Fiction
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Backstory ~ Chapter Five
Although at times Tina found it difficult to restrain her glee, expressing her happiness to Bette, to Angelica, and to her family itself was sufficient.
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"Turn right. Turn right. In 400 feet, turn left. Turn left. In 600 feet turn left."
The GPS droned on, giving its precise directions, but Bette had ignored it ever since she had seen the Costco sign towering over the skyline. Although Bette recognized that such signs were totem poles for the times, full of symbolism about technological advances, consumer culture, and migration patterns, her immediate concern was to locate the store so she could get her shopping done.
Eventually she joined a line of cars, all headed to the same place. As the empty cars made their way along the streets to the store, an identical, though fully laden, line of cars headed away from the store. The parking lot was a half mile square and Bette saw streams of people entering and exiting the store. Too impatient to wait for a departing shopper to surrender a spot, Bette located a parking spot far away from the entrance and cursed herself during her long walk in her heels every time she saw a closer spot open up.
The building that held the store was huge. It rose several stories into the sky and was at least a football field in the length (not that Bette really knew how long football field would be). The façade was solid, without a single window. No merchandise was on display to entice shoppers within its walls. It was as if the building demanded a leap of faith from the shoppers before its would grant entrance, that the shoppers had to trust that the menacing building within its walls held everything that the shoppers desired.
Bette saw the other shoppers grabbing large shopping wagons from the parking lot and followed their lead. She walked the rest of the length of the parking lot and pushed the wagon up the ramp and across the small sidewalk that led to the building’s entrance. The other shoppers headed inside, flashing a card at what appeared to be a gateway to the inner merchandise sanctum. Bette stopped, wondering what was the purpose was of the card. A security guard stopped her, and directed her towards windows to the left of the entrance, explaining that only members could shop. Bette was confused and thought that the guard clearly was mistaken. In the alternative, she thought that the card was some kind of security measure or even a method of collecting data about shoppers’ behavior. At the window, the clerk demanded payment of the membership fee. Bette was incredulous.
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” sometimes, Melvin would have benefited from a whack with a rolled-up newspaper” – LOL, agreed!
That is so funny. I love this extended family.
Crack me up everytime when I read this story! PPS, thx.
Love Bette, Tina is so funny, but the father should know better, Where are they going to the bathroom? Surely not the house. Angie is taking this so nicely Guess we are all sicko. thanks
I love it! Bette has caught Costco fever. I am with her, it does seem absurd that they charge you money for the privilege of fighting through the armies of other shoppers and giving them every dime you ever thought of having, but having said that, Costco rocks! Methinks it has not seen the last of our Bette. Now, I don’t care if Papa is Tina’s father, it just isn’t fittin for any male genitalia licking be going on in a fine lesbian home, and Papa gotta learn that! I think Bette should have whacked Tina with the newspaper too, while she was at it, because she made Bette apologize, and just on principle. I so love this fic!
Does that mean I’m a sicko? Ok no prob!
As much as I like this family, when Bette Porter is reduced to bowing and scraping and taking low, Tina’s “family” has got to go! Besides, I think Tina is reverting – not a good thing. Next, she’ll be picking nits from Angie’s hair. Thanks!
LMAO, oh god…too funny. Can’t wait for the next chapter. Will Alice find out? The comments would be priceless.
OMG! That was hilarious.
Please tell me you are putting this on OC? Please, please, please!!!
i can’t help but click on this story when i see an update. i guess you can count me in for group therapy LOL
this is hilarious. tina needs to be sent outdoors for yelling at bette! pop wolf should know better! omg if alice finds out, ROFL :)PPS
tina is turning into a wolf…the wolf family had to go or bette will start licking someone soon too LOL
This story is a hoot, I like it but then I’ve always been a bit off
absolutely fricken hilarious…needed a good laugh…pps
still laughing out loud!!! :D