It was a week; then two… then it proceeded to a month. The second week Alice came by the place and picked up her stuff. She didn’t want to see me; I think. I asked Alice how she was doing and she said “just fine”. I didn’t know what that means… but I hope that she was okay. Then I know she was never coming back.

Her things weren’t much; mostly it’s her clothes. She’s living with Alice and Alice said she didn’t mind the company at all. She loves having her best friend close with her.

It’s been more than three months; and I don’t where I’m going with this. I’ve been working my way up the ladder in the underworld that I need to pull an emergency break. I’ve been testing so much coke that I’ve become addicted to it once again. I don’t know what’s the outside world is like anymore.

Two days ago; I shot a guy in his shoulder… he didn’t die. I shot him because he came late with the delivery. Smoky’s been having fun with Escobar… they’re both insane and I want to join them. I want to be unattached like them and I’m getting to it.

I think Jenny been watching me though. She’s the one that’s been pulling the JD’s bottle away from the grasp of my hand. She’s the one that’s been telling me stop with white powder and the girls that Smoky and Escobar been bringing to my place.

Every girl I see; I wanna fuck them and I wanna leave them. Forget about them. I’ve realized how pathetic this all is. I’ve got bags under my eyes and although everything around me going exactly as I planned; everything I hoped that it would be… still I feel nothing and I am nothing. I am nothing without her really… How I wish I can stop the thoughts of her.

I think my words came true; she left me and it’s destroying my self. She left me and it was my fall to utter darkness.

I need something; for her replacement. I need… someone. Someone that will make me forget. I need… I need Heather. Yes.