It was like she was on some sort of ride at a carnavel when she was thinking about what she was going to say to Carmen, everything around them was spinning except her and her ex-lover. What could she say? Really, what? I’m sorry that I left you at the alter at our wedding after promising you that I wouldn’t hurt you again. So, I’m here so we can be like we were because I miss and love you. Shane sighed at her stupid sarcasm in her mind, Carmen’s gaze kept intently on Shane’s. Though, it was strange, because that look in her eyes. She was trying avoid looking into Shane’s eyes, and the more she continued to try and see why. Carmen’s eyes were filled with something that Shane just couldn’t put her finger on. They were no longer bright and wonderful, no longer filled with that everlasting life that had always kept Shane smiling. A momentary silence as Shane knew why she looked like that, why her eyes looked so shattered and torn. It was her fault, everything was. She was a fuck up, she knew it. Just like her dad, she was just a piece of shit, nothing but a hollow shell of nothing. Shane sighed again, another knot forming at the back of her throat as she tried to create some words to explain herself. She had so much to say, so much to tell, but… the words. How could you explain something so simple that just gotten so complicated?

"Carmen… I… well," Shane avoided Carmen’s face then, her bangs again fallin in her face." I know that I haven’t been the best person for you. I know this. And I’m sorry. I mean, before I met you, all I would do stay strickly away from this. I wouldn’t try to do anything close to what we had… have. And when I went to go meet my dad, he told me about how he left my mom for another woman right before their wedding. Said he was scared of commitment. You know, I was just like him, I am just like him. I’m scared, Carmen. I was scared that day when we were suppose to get married, but it was much more than cold feet. It was a big step for me, maybe I shouldn’t of took it so soon, I mean it was right after Dana…" Shane tried to bury down her tears, to try and keep them from coming. So far, it was working, but it made her voice crackle and even more husky than usual. All she said was true, all of it, Shane thought." But I wish I’m not me, Carmen. I wish that my dad wasn’t my dad. I’m just like him, me and him. He did the same stuff I did before I met you, the drinking, the fucking, the drugs. All of it. And look what he did when he finally found that perfect someone? He fucked it up. I wanted to save you from that, I wanted to save you from having to deal with me and stupid dyke drama. Cause that’s all I am, Carmen. A fuck up. I fucked up my friends, my family. They were depending on me to be with you, because I needed it. I needed someone Carmen, and I still do. I need you. And you want to know how fucked up I am? I fucked up us, I fucked up you. I screwed you over like I had so many before you. I treated you like you were them, but you’re not. You’re not like them. You want to know why you’re not like them? Because I love you. That’s exactly fucking why. And that is exactly why I came back. Because I loved you and I saw how bad I hurt you. Want to know how I knew? Because it hurt me, because being so far apart from you told me maybe an inch of what you might of felt, or are feeling. I love you, Carmen, and I never stopped."