Alice for her part was also beginning to come to grips with some of her issues. She had outlined in her journal several areas that she knew she needed to confront. She was finally remembering the night, her nightmares had gone from unknown terrors, to an replays of the night. She was understanding that not everyone was going to hurt her, and she needed to address the fears she had of facing the unknown. She was ready, and she wanted to start this healing, she wanted her old relationship back with Dana, she wanted her life back.

After Jacq called the ladies into her office she spent several minutes reading their journals. When she finally looked at the couple, she couldn’t help but feel the two were on the road to recovery. Though they were unaware they both had taken big steps towards this.

Jacq had suggested that she meet with each one first individually, spend the last few minutes together to discuss what course of actions they should take.

Jacq had decided to start with Dana first. She felt of the two Dana was the one who had shown the most growth since the incident. She was optimistic while reading her journal, noting how Dana had truly grasped both her feelings about the assault and her feelings about Alice.

When Dana walked into the office she gave off the appearance of someone whose biggest secret was found out. She was nervous and shy acting. Jacq couldn’t help but like this woman and hope everything would work out for her. “Dana, have a seat. I must admit I’m thrilled to see the progress you’ve made. It looks like you come to quite a few conclusion in the last few days.”

Dana blushed at this commenting knowing what Jacq was referring to. “I feel kind of silly falling in love with my best friend.” Jacq smiled gently at Dana, “It happens and relationships that have a foundation of friendship are some of the strongest relationships I’ve seen. What I am happy to be seeing in your journal is your understanding of the fact that the only way to get Alice back is to let her go. I can tell by watching both of you that there is a protectiveness toward each other. I’m worried that this protectiveness if unchecked could easily become an unhealthy relationship and that would have been a shame. My next question to you Dana, is how are you doing? I know this assault had you feeling guilty for not being able to do anything to help Alice. Are you coming to terms with that guilt or how have you resolve those feelings?”

Dana thought about this for a few seconds before answering. “I still feel a little guilty. I continue to replay that night in my head and think back to if there was anything I could have done differently. All I know is, if I could have I would have done anything to stop what was happening to Alice. I would have traded places. But I know now I couldn’t have done anything differently, they were fast, and we weren’t prepared, so it happened. I couldn’t stop it. But I can help Alice now, so I have chosen to do just that. I’ve decided to stop dwelling on what ifs and start working on here and now.”

Jacq smiled and nodded in agreement, sensing Dana’s healing had truly begun. The two continued to talk about how hard it was for Dana to let Alice go. How even though it had only been a short time in which Alice had lived with her, Dana was almost feeling an empty nest syndrome about her friend not being there in her home anymore. Dana told Jacq how she was going to let Alice call the shots when it came to her recovery, that she could no longer try to keep Alice safe or heal her herself. That she needed to let Alice reclaim her own safety, and that would hopefully lead to healing. She just knew she would be there for Alice in what ever way she needed her.

When Alice walked into Jacq office for her turn to talk with the therapist, Jacq noticed how as the two crossed at the door Alice had reached and squeezed Dana’s arm in passing. Nothing overt, just a gentle touch of reassurance as they passed each other. Alice seemed more at ease this time, like she was starting to feel good in her own skin.

Jacq picked up Alice journal notes and started flipping though them. “Alice I noticed in your journal you said you’ve now started to remember the night of the assault. That you no longer have nightmares, instead they have been replaced with replays of the assault. Alice you mention this several times yet I can find nowhere in your journal where you chronicled what happened. So why don’t you tell me what happened that night?”

Alice took a deep breath, realizing this was the first time she had vocalized what had happened that night. She hadn’t wanted to really think about it, so writing it down or talking about it was something she still was avoiding. “What I remember about that night was Dana and I having a pretty good time, with our friend Shane. We had decided to go out to see if there was any new action in town. Shane had found someone who interest her, but Dana and myself just didn’t see anyone we were interested in. We had quite a bit to drink and I had gone to the bathroom and caught my friend doing some coke. I had decided what the *****, it had been a long time, so I decided to do a line for the ***** of it. By the time we all left I was really out of it. I was able to walk, and even carry on a conversation but I was flying high. I remember seeing the two men approaching us. I even remember Dana trying to pull me toward the street. But when the two started to confront us, I was too stoned to really comprehend what was going on. I let my mouth and my constant need to have the last word win out over common sense. Next thing I remember was one of the men was beating the ***** out of me. I remember Dana begging for him to stop. She begged his friend to make him stop. Then I remember hearing Dana sob like I’ve never heard her sob before. I’ve known Dana for a long time and the sobs that I heard that night hurt almost as bad as the hits and kicks I had received from that man. The next thing I remember was waking up in the ER asking about Dana. After I was knock unconscious, I didn’t know what had happen to Dana, so when I woke up in the ER all I could think was something must had happen to her. Then they gave me something to knock me out and then later that night I woke up in my room and Dana was sitting right beside me. After seeing Dana I guess I started to block out what happened, I didn’t want to face up to it and what I had put Dana through.”

Jacq patiently listen as Alice told her story, then she asked. “Alice, I know part of your job is to write list, I want you to list your five biggest fears since the assault.”

Alice had to smile at this, appreciative of Jacq’s using a format that was both comfortable and familiar to her. “Five fears, let me think. OK number one, I’m absolutely terrified to go out after dark. I didn’t realize the extent of this until I had decided last night to go to Dana’s, but was so overcome with fear I couldn’t even leave my home.”

Jacq nodded at this. “Alice that fear is very understandable and one we can work as needed. Go on.”

“OK, number two I become scared to let others know about my sexuality, which in the past has never been a problem for me. But now I can understand why some feel the need to be closeted. Number three, I’m scared someone might hurt me again, some faceless stranger who feels the need to hurt someone just because we are different.

Jacq decided ask a question before letting Alice move on to the next two points. “Alice do you think these two fears are justified or even realistic?”

Alice answered as honest as she could. “I don’t know, I always felt being honest about my sexuality has helped me more than hurt me but I just don’t know anymore. I also understand that the men who attacked me were psychopaths, not all who disapprove of my lifestyle are going to hurt me. It’s just hard for me to separate the two right now.”

“So Alice what are you last two fears in this list?”

Alice answered honestly and to the point. “Number four is Dana and I will never have a normal relationship again. And the last is I will never be normal again.”

Jacq couldn’t help but smile at the last two. “Alice, those are probably the easiest to fix, and I think the two of you have already made great progress toward recovery.”

After calling Dana back in Jacq had made several suggestions for the two ladies, first being that they try to be a little less depended on each other. They needed to once again learn to be on their own before they could move forward with their friendship. They needed to be more open with each other about fears and feelings. And they needed to start planning small adventures outside the safety of the two homes. Maybe going out with friends or a movie and dinner, just small things to help Alice confront her fears.

ALICE’S LATER THAT EVENING

When Alice and Dana finally arrived home that evening, Alice pointed out there still was no food in her apartment and suggested maybe they try going out to eat. And maybe later a trip to the store for groceries.