”In my experience, these relationships are very hard to repair. Meeting someone when you are more mature, know yourself better and have learned how to have relatively healthy relationships (maybe you have been in therapy by now) certainly can bode well for a promising future together. Meeting someone who you are genuinely attracted to and at the same time respect, who you know genuinely cares for you, with whom you share values and at least a few interests, and with whom you can work through conflicts can be a catalyst for not only a great and lasting new relationship with a new person, but with yourself as well.”

”For example, if, prior to entering your primary relationship, you had the unconscious belief that you were unlovable, or didn’t deserve to be loved, you may have ended up with someone who couldn’t really give you love. If you have changed, but your partner has not, and you now believe you deserve to be loved, (and are truly willing to give love in return) you will be attracted to the kind of person who would be capable of this kind of reciprocity. The whole foundation for your relationship would be quite different than what you have experienced before.”

”What Next?

With all of this said, I believe that in most cases the most promising path is to separate the question of whether you want to end things with your current partner from whether you want to have a relationship with this new person. If the aloneness that this entails feels too intolerable to you, talking to a professional might be very helpful. Admittedly, it is truly the road less traveled but most often has the richest rewards.”

Tina closed the website and logged off the computer. She turned her attention to her wife who appeared to have fallen asleep. Tina studied Bette’s features and couldn’t help but admire how very beautiful she was. She was thinking about what Bette said and what she’d just read. She really wanted things to work out between them but she was admittedly scared to open all the wounds at once.

Even though she knew that her rebellious and vengeful acts meant to wound Bette to the core had hit their mark her own pain had not subsided. She didn’t doubt that she wanted a life with Bette; really what more could she want? Bette was beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, protective, caring, loyal, loving and kindhearted. She was the best friend anyone could ever hope for. She loved with an intensity that was sometimes overwhelming. She was passionate and forceful. If Tina let herself go she could easily get lost in everything that was Bette Porter. That was her fear, but also her hope. Bette was so full of complexities and contradictions that she never really knew what to expect.