This caught me off guard.  We’d discussed this recently.  I open my mouth to respond and Bette places two fingers over my lips.

“Take your time in thinking about this T.  Will you do that for me, for us?”

I nod my head again and Bette smiles, “Now give me a kiss.”

I smile at this and pull her into a passionate kiss.

Bette

I managed to get the twins into the car and we are on our way across town to the office of Armand Dex, lawyer.  As I get closer my anxiety increases little by little till I feel I’m having a panic attack.  I pull over to the side of the road and lean my head against the steering wheel and take in deep breaths.

“You can do this.  It’s not like she’s going to be there.  Yeah.”

I pull back on to the road and start my journey again.  I remember what I had told everyone about Tatyana when they asked me if I had loved her.  It was true when I said I had loved her in the only way I was capable.  Now that I know what true, unconditional love is like, I realize that I had loved Tatyana.  It isn’t the breathtaking, achingly poignant love that I have for Tina but it was love just the same.

The kind of love where you would do anything for them, make funny and inappropriate jokes just to see them smile, call them just to hear their voice.  I shake my head to dispel those thoughts.  As I get closer to my destination I realize something, something I never realized before.  When Tatyana died I closed off myself even further.  Promised myself I would never let anyone into my heart.

That’s what I did; until Tina that is.  Tina was able to shatter the walls around my heart that I had built from the death of my first love.  I don’t really know how to feel knowing that she is alive.  I don’t have the kind of love now that I had for her then, this much I know. 

As I turn into the correct building I pull into a parking space and undo my seatbelt.  I turn in my seat to look upon my little boys.  Gabriel is playing with his toes and Lochlain is watching me intently.  I swear sometimes that this kid knows what I’m thinking.  Chuckling at that thought I hop out of the car.  Opening the door on Gabriel’s side I grab the baby carrier from the floor of the car.

“God you need to be a contortionist to get into this thing,” I comment trying to get the shoulder straps straight

Once that is done I hold my arms out.

“Tada.”

Both boys giggle and I chuckle softly.  The beauty of this carrier is that you can hold twins comfortably in front of you, both of them.  They can be facing out or inward.  I put both of them facing outward.  Grabbing the diaper bag/lifesaver I headed into the office.  When the receptionist saw me she smiled widely.  I always have this reaction.  Go figure.

“Oh my goodness those two are so cute,” she cues, “What are their names?”

“Gabriel,” I say touching him on the head, “And Lochlain.”

“What beautiful names.  What can I help you with today?”

“My name is Bette Porter.  I have an appointment with Armand Dex.”

The receptionist whose nameplate read Gloria looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and I smiled.  Even though it’s been more than a year since the attack I am still recognized.  Most said something to me but this woman just smiled and looked in the computer.   Bless her heart.

“Ah yes, you do at that.”

She pushed a button on the phone.

“Yes,” came the deep voice of presumably Mr. Dex

“Bette Porter is here to see you sir.”

“Send her in.”

“Go right in,” she remarked directing me to the door to her left

“Thank you,” I said softly

I was saying thank you for more than just showing me into the office and I wanted to see if she understood the other reason.  She dipped her head and then smiled at me.

“You’re most welcome.”