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Sleeping Rough – Bette Porter Tina Kennard L Word
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I roll my cart with Angelica held in my arms past rows and aisles of things I cannot imagine ever wanting to possess until I finally arrive at the Wal-Mart Baby Section. Gods of Retail! Make me a better Mother! My eyes seize upon sippy cups, and a very sweet little blanket with blue sheep leaping over tiny rainbows. Mm, Wal-Mart is not so bad. I load baby kidnap essentials into the cart and check that the blanket is not made out of some poisonous flammable Chinese bland sent over here to wipe out half-Occidental, half-African American races in their infancy. It’s not, and it’s very cute. Thankfully, I don’t need guns and ammo, or shoes.
Oh dear God! People buy their shoes here? Crocks! The ugliest things since oil spills.
I walk farther and farther and stumble upon a grocery store!
Baby food, baby food, baby food, water, water, water, juice, juice, juice and look here, green tea! This place is actually quite surprising. Liquor? Now, I would be totally impressed. Wine and beer. I’ll take it, and the corkscrew. Who knows how long this journey will be?
I roll us back to camping to buy a good knapsack. I may need it. And then I get distracted.
“The Bowie knife with the antler handle. May I see that one?” I ask the young man who appears from behind the tent display.
A baby in my left arm I handle the knife to feel its balance. I think this is weighted for throwing if skinning Henry alive didn’t actually complete the job. “Does this come with a scabbard?”
“Two styles actually, one is tooled leather and the other is a quick dry mesh that people like a lot.”
“I’ll see both then. Thank you.”
“Baby, baby, baby, now I’m going to put you in this basket with your new sheep and rainbows blanket because Mama B has to look at a big ole knife. Now, don’t cry.” I lay Angelica carefully on top of baby food, wine, and beer. The Essentials. We’ll stay alive ’til morning.
I slip open my belt and thread the leather scabbard through the loops and slide in the long shiny knife. This feels good. The handle feels rough, but nice.
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Bette is definitely and officially fucking nuts! Deranged! Wally World is her go to store? Very funny! You perfectly captured Bette’s Vancouver insanity. I loved the scene in Joyce’s office. Bette had her swerve on w/her clever and sharp toned comments to Tina. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Excellent! You turned a terrible chapter in Bette’s life to the Alpha that we love so well full of courage and unswerving convictions. It was so funny…Bette wanting to skin Henry alive and great job of showing us the Bowie knife. I lost it when I read about the “wolf protector”! Care to share what Joyce’s report was about?
Both Bette and Tina are nuts here. Loved the piqued interest as she explores WalMart. Bring it on!
It was totally crazy! :D
I leaned in laughter during the shopping trip. this would be an interesting twist in the story, see Henry skinned alive :D I bet, you can even write about this. but I’m not so cruel ;)
I look forward to how they’re starting fix their relationship.
I look forward to the next chapter
Walmart scene was too funny, thanks.
This is the part where everything in their life…”is kinda crazy”.. :(
But Bette in Wal-Mart is hilarious!
Bette’s got her mojo back. You can’t keep a good woman down for long. Each of them drove the other to the edge of the precipice and it concluded with explosive reaction. But the underlying current still exists as they both admitted to it.
The scene in Wal-Mart was priceless as Bette was dropped into a new world of possibilities. The knife was a good touch. Her snootiness of being a consumer was changed a bit with what was offered to her in her time of need.
I love the way Joyce deals with them when they’re more into shouting then listening. She has a way of getting them back to what’s important when no one else can. Great chapter once again, Thank you for your unique insight into this world.
LOL Bette going nuts was hilarious, but sad at the same time. It’s wonderdul how you wrote her feelings (in a funny but not ‘too much’ way; it’s just real) I could really feel her wanting to injure Henry (… and I’d gladly help her). It’s true, sometimes bad things in life lead you to think about some of the craziest things ever… after all, he’s one of the many things that took the love of her life away from her.
Thanks, again, for another amazing chapter! So looking forward to reading the next one.
Bette has went “out of control” when she kidnapped her daughter from Tina. it was extreme expecially when she bought the knife from Walmart. Hilarious paragraph about Bette not know what “Walmart” is until she shopped there. it was very funny. the one thing i hate is, tina and bette argument from their attorney’s meeting. heartbreaking!!!. i really enjoy this story. you written so much good stories i had read in past few weeks. keep them coming cuz i look forward to them.. always!!!
You are absolutely correct, Ms. BB. Bette is a lovable snob. Did she expect to find Manolos interspersed amongst the Crocs? Or perhaps, an Armani stashed by a made in Viet Nam suit? And Ms. Porter is truly a Cursing Goddess. There is a funny video on YouTube where Bette curses up a storm….lots of F Yous and Shits. JB does it with such panache. I love reading her narratives. Keep up the great work! It’s difficult to be funny in print but you do it so well.
Haven’t commented on this fabulous series of stories, yet, but they are… fabulous. Wonderful therapy for what I think of as Post Traumatic S3-Disorder (PTS3D).
I realise now that I missed out on these stories last year and I am delighted to now be reading them.
I agree so with all the comments also and love the thought of Post Traumatic S3-Disorder which I certainly suffered from.
Brilliant BB, thanks.