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    Bette’s Dilemma continued

    Story written on June 26, 2007 by missingmyT.
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    48 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 548 votes, average: 3.27 out of 5 (48 votes, average: 3.27 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 7
    Words: 472
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=66039
    Author Notes:

    More thoughts in Bette’s dilemma

    “The only one who has enough of me to break my heart.”

     

    How can I love you so much yet be so incredibly angry with you at the same time?  Part of me wants you back more than I have wanted anything in my life.  The other part of me wants to forget you, erase your existence from my memory – and perhaps in doing so erase this unbearable pain from my soul.

    It is funny how I can be surviving – not living, just merely surviving – and something so small that happens during my day can set me back.  Something so minor can take this horrible pain and turn it into an unbearable torment.

    Why?  Why did you do this?  Why wasn’t I good enough?  Why didn’t you try harder?  Why could you find with someone else the fulfillment that was obviously lacking with me?

    You’re obviously not available anymore.  You’ve made that abundantly clear.  So, why can’t I accept that?  Why does my heart cling to this thread of hope that somehow there is still a chance for us despite everything?

    I could move on.  I have an opportunity to replace you.  However, that opportunity pales so terribly in comparison to you.  Yes, she complements me in so many ways.  You, however, complete me.  Without you, some enormous piece of me is missing and she cannot replace it.

    However, you’ve made it clear that you do not want US back.  Therefore, moving on with her, inadequate though it may be, seems a better alternative to this agonizing loneliness.  When I am with her, there are times that for a few precious moments, you retreat to the back of my mind.  You are never out of my mind, but on occasion you retreat to a place other than the prominent position in my thoughts.  Those occasions, though, are only temporary and fleeting respite.

    I never could have imagined that my life would be dominated by regret.  When I look in the mirror, I see only regret the way that most people see their reflections.  Countless times I have told you that if I could turn back time, erase the past, that I would do so.  I cannot, however, erase the past.  And you, obviously, cannot let it go.  You cannot forgive.  And I cannot forget.

    And so, I live drowning in a sea of my regret.  Someone has tossed me a life preserver.  Do I wish to grasp for it?  Will I still sink even if I do?

     

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    Comments

    1. Their has to be more. What’s Tina thinking and feeling. We know Bette is so full of turmoil she doesn’t know which way is up or down. Tina knows she wants Bette, she’s just not telling her, which by the way would solve most of Bette’s dilemma. Its amazing how stubborn they both still are.

    2. Brilliant writing. You could just feel that level of pain there. I shared this quote by Walter Anderson today with two people who I think needed to read it. I felt reminded of it again when I read this, so allow me a moment to share it: “I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”

    3. i too wish to know what tina is thinking…if bette is in so much pain, tina might feel something as well…and maybe there’s hope to get them back

    5. This sounds like the Bette from about half way through season 4 because by the end of season 4 Tina was already back in the middle of Bette’s brain patterns. They were not fighting anymore or at least as much. If only they can get on the same page. I miss Bette and Tina.

    6. WOW!!!! Still so much pain. I feel so bad for her. THis is so great. Does it help to write what your are feeling. Thanks I hope more is to come.

    7. the games bette and tina played only did one thing and that is take away the love we all know to be one of the most amazing and angelic thing we have ever saw on television…and im still mad at them lol

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