Fan Fiction
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Broken Girls with Strange Frames (Ch. 8)
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By evening, Bette had decided to buy one of Spencer’s photographs (and, if you ask me, offered him a lot more than it was worth) and Spencer decided to celebrate by cooking all of us dinner. This was nice because he’s the only person I know who knows how to cook and he ended up filling in some of the black hole that was Bette’s refrigerator (which previously had only had milk and a frozen pizza in the freezer).
But then Spencer and Kyle left.
And Bette turned into General Porter.
And I was scared.
The first thing she did was direct me to her computer and showed me how to organize her contacts. “You don’t have to do it now-”
“Good, because it’s Sunday.”
“-but I’d really like to have them organized by tomorrow morning.”
The way she said it made me feel sort of guilty for wanting to put it off, so I said I’d do it right away and she graced me with that smile that was so devastating. The only problem was, organizing Bette’s contacts meant entering every single one of them into a new program and this took over two hours. And when I tried to take a break halfway through and see what she was up to, she was hunched over a ridiculous stack of papers with her glasses on and greeted me with, “I thought you were working.”
So, although the pressure was a little more imagined than fully realized, it was there. I was okay with it, though, because I figured she felt she had to train me a little to be her personal assistant and she’d probably back off a little once I knew what I was doing.
I am the Queen of being Totally Wrong.
The next morning, Bette woke me up at seven and said, “Come on. Didn’t you set an alarm?”
“I don’t have an alarm,” I said groggily, climbing out of bed.
“You need one. I can’t wake you up everyday.” She walked away, leaving the door open and calling over her shoulder, “I’m finished in the shower.”
The shower was actually the best part of the day. I couldn’t even enjoy my coffee because Bette was on her way out the door and handing me a list of names: “I need you to contact the first four and set up meetings-I’ve left you with my schedule-and for Greg Perry, I need him to fax over the invoices that the ***** said he’d fax over two days ago, but didn’t. The fax machine is in the study-the-your room, I mean-and he should have the number, but if he doesn’t, you know where to find that, right?”
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eeeeeeexcellent (mr burns voice) …how long is your entire story anyway? I’m loving the frequent posts, the only other story I read on a regular basis is updated once a WEEK! (dont get any ideas)
Love the quick posts too. This story , and the telling of it, are “all kinds of awesome”. Alice narrating an episode of the show could be hilarious – that’s if any of the TLW writers could remember that she actually used to be funny!
ok rachel i read ur whole collection and i must say this is an excellent story!! the humor haha makes me smile!! neways love ur writing continue sooon plz
spam away and leave the guilt behind… a crisp fiver says we can read faster than you can post. Bring on General Porter …
Spam? What spam? This is entertainment.
OMG are you sure your not Alice P from an alternate dimension where Alice P really exists, who has gained access to this universe and thought it would be cool to tell her story cause you have her down cold……
This will never be classified as spam, if so it’s the first time I’d be happy for it. I can just imagine Bette holding that pen! I am out of words to describe this story other than awesome. Keep up the good work.
it’s amazing how on point you’ve written bette and alice. looking forward to the next chapter.
I have a thought, and it might be crazy: this died-in-the-wool Tibetter is not ready for Tina to enter the story yet. Go figure!
The Catherine Opie show is two months away – TDay, TDay!!! I’m loving this Alice and Bette story so much I don’t want to advance to the day they inevitably meet. Please, put Tina back in the closet! I love this story. It’s so unique, well-written, better than fine!
“nd when I tried to take a break halfway through and see what she was up to, she was hunched over a ridiculous stack of papers with her glasses on and greeted me with, “I thought you were working.”
I had this instant image of Ebenezer Scrooge browbeating Bob Crachit as hunches over his desk, trying to get heat from that lonely candlestick and the one coal ember dying in the stove across the room.
Poor Alice. Never f**k your friends. Never work for them, either.
Ha!
Alice and Bette…the lesbian Odd Couple! I loved the simultaneous conversations and interactions. Delightful as usual.