For a long time, she had managed to seal off her heart and even though she was still required to sing “If Only” everytime she performed, it had become more of a perfunctory thing. Shane lifted her wrist and looked at the bracelet hanging loosely from her wrist. Cherie had wanted to give something to her and she had chosen this relatively inexpensive Beth Orduna bracelet because she had never liked people to give things to her. After she had broken up with Cherie, she had thought of throwing it away but somehow, everytime she looked at the bracelet, she felt more determined to succeed because every step she took, every accolade she achieved was her way of getting back at Cherie.

Her handphone rang and she heard Will’s voice. “Shane, today’s performance was great……I ate at Koi today…using your money…as for the assistant thing, I will start getting to find one for you next week,” “That’s great, don’t forget the part about getting laid…bye Will,” She hung the phone and laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling, unmoving and unfeeling. She heard the opening strains of “If Only” from the radio and she switched off the radio, throwing the remote control in disgust. She had learnt a long time ago, that there were no “if only” in life, that people who dwelled on “if only” were only finding a way to console themselves. If only Cherie had chosen her, if only Cherie was here to share her success…..Shane opened her drawer and poured out three sleeping pills from the bottle. Today she didn’t want sex, she just wanted a dark, empty place she could escape to.

She swallowed her pills and waited for the drowsiness to wash over her and claim her. Her last coherent thought was that at least her money had made people around her happy, and that was more than she could say for herself.

Chapter 4

Shane leaned back in her seat, her shades hiding her puffy eyes. She couldn’t sleep last night, and whenever she slept, she was haunted by a pair of eyes that followed her every move. Will was beside her, looking through the application forms. “Shane I don’t have to remind you that this time, we’re choosing someone you don’t like right? Someone you have absolutely no desire to fuck,” Shane gave a glare to Will. “Just get on with it….” The applicants came in and Will was the one who fired the questions. There were times Shane was so bored she just doodled on the paper or wrote down lines that came to her head. Whenever Shane raised her head and there was a trace of interest in her eyes, Will would put the application form on his left side. “Shane, have some discerning taste will you? I’ve already had to reject 17 people because you are thinking of how to get them into bed,”