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Tina ordered the food they wanted and brought coffee and a soda can for Angie. They had found a table in a private corner of the cafeteria. Angie had left for the bathroom so Shane had Tina to herself for a few minutes.
“So, how are you Tina?” Shane asks while sipping her coffee.
“Scared, hurt, confused…” She replies honestly.
“Okay? Why those three?” Shane asks.
“Scared because of the obvious. Hurt because Carrie doesn’t care and confused because of feelings that is resurfacing.” Tina honestly shares with Shane. Her eyes getting misty.
“What feelings?” Shane asks.
“Feelings about Bette. I never stopped loving her you know. I will always love her. We didn’t divorce because we didn’t love each other. That was more me I think in hindsight. I’ve had periods where I’ve been depressed and somehow I let that out on Bette. Bette can be dense sometimes, can’t see what’s in front of her, she didn’t notice my depression. And to her defense, I hid it very well. And on the other hand, I didn’t acknowledge it either, I just kept going until I reached a point of no return. Again we stopped talking. Even if we promised ourselves that we wouldn’t do that, but life just happened.. I… I was frustrated all the time and again, I took it out on Bette. Then one day I just couldn’t handle it anymore, so I left.” Tina honestly says as she wipes the tears away. “Told her I needed space, that our marriage was suffocating me. That I felt lost and needed to find myself again.” Tina adds.
“Wow.” Shane replies not quite believe what Tina is saying.
“Yeah, you can say that again. I hurt her Shane, big time, but I also hurt myself. I know I won’t have the same kind of love again that I had with Bette with someone else. She is my only true love.” Tina says softly. “And then I met Carrie, and she was nice and easy. I got myself back in a way, I guess I should thank her for that at least. I do love her, but thinking back now, I don’t think I ever was in love with her. She helped med find me again. She gave me the space I needed and demanded.” Tina adds.