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    Chapter 8 – What was and what will be

    Bette and Tina haven’t spoken in days. Generally. Tina saw Angie, but they didn’t talk about mom. Bette had a lot of work to do and was generally busy from morning to night. Of course, Tina understood that work is an important part of the brunette’s life, but at the moment this is more an excuse than the real reason why they don’t even correspond. Bette usually spoke directly if she didn’t want to make contact. Right now, that worried Tina. Why can’t she just say that she doesn’t want to talk? Why does she make you sit and wait for a call? Tina felt like her brain was tired of everything. I’m tired of thinking and evaluating everything. Think about how it should have been done and how she actually did something. She wanted to take a break from work and relax, but instead she loaded herself even more with constant thoughts and worries about personal things. The nervous system was starting to malfunction. Systematic headache, irritability, panic attacks and insomnia, and if sleep came, it was almost always accompanied by regular unexpected awakenings. Tina was the weak link when it came to mental balance. As she grew older, she learned to control her nervous collapses, but when her body was exhausted, they returned. When their family lived in new York, Tina often took Xanax and it was normal and familiar for her. Her relationship with Bette had been good at the time, but the work was all-consuming, so the antidepressant sometimes cheered her up and gave her a little more strength than she had left. Later, she put the pills aside, as she learned to replenish her resource without their help. It seems that now she began to forget how to do this, because at the moment the resource was falling down at a high rate. Bette has always been against antidepressants. No, she didn’t judge the people who took them, but for her it was something short-lived, something not very good. She believed that with the help of pills, you can not solve internal problems, but you can only cover them with a beautiful shell, which will eventually break and will only be worse than it was before. Bette used yoga and meditation to calm her nerves. She was well versed in it and had been passionate about it for a very long time. In her youth, she was biased against psychotherapists, but over time, she could not help but recognize the importance of their profession and how they help many people. But she still had her own opinion on the matter. She has her own opinion on everything and it is very difficult to convince her of something. Sometimes this annoyed Tina, because it is very difficult to live in the same space with a person who will stand firm in any case. But Tina also loved it. It was all Bette – firm, determined, self-confident, and always with a clear opinion. How can she not love this trait if it creates Bette’s personality?
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    Comments

    1. Wow’ Talk about open your heart. It’s good that Tina has realized her thoughts and actions over the years. If they get back together, both need to communicate effectively. By effectively, I mean choose your words thoughtfully before speaking.
      Maybe writing is the easiest form of communication for Tina. Maybe Tina need to put her true thought to paper before talking to Bette. This ride is far from over.

      Thanks for the post. You’re doing a masterful job.

      • It seems to me that writing is generally easier than speaking… you can think long, cross out and write again :) You correctly noticed that this is only the beginning and the problems are still far from being resolved.
        Thank you for your comment!

    2. This is an excellent chapter. I love the idea of writing letters. Tina seems to recognize that the written word serves her better when expressing her innermost feelings. This is as old as time and I really applaud Tina for reaching out to Bette via a letter. This is her attempt to offer some true clarity of feeling and thought. Self editing is so very difficult. We can all relate – especially during times of impulse, anger, stress or crisis. We have all said things we wish we could take back. The letter – this letter – enabled Tina to truly take the time to think it through. Tina loves Bette. The letter enables her the opportunity to express her thoughts without physically looking at Bette which would undoubtedly be a major distraction for her. Thinking before speaking has not served either of them very well. Bette loves Tina. My hope is that Bette is not impulsive but is receptive and in her response takes the time to think and self edit. Doesn’t hit send too soon. Assuming she is writing to Tina. I suspect she is as Bette knows the emotion and magnitude of Tina’s past letters – very heady stuff – hence Bette’s hesitation to read the latest one. So glad that she did. A dissection of what Tina said is for another day. That she took the time to reach out to Bette and put it all out there is what matters to me. Her letter to Bette is forever. And it provides hope. If this is the best way for them to communicate right now then go for it. Awaiting Bette’s reply.

      P.S. Do feel sorry that Bette and Angie are somewhat distant. Bette needs Angie. Angie needs both of her moms. That is an absolute.

      • Billy, I like reading your opinion. Thank you for this! As for writing letters, the only problem may be that the reader (Bette) can’t see the eyes of the person who wrote the letter (Tina). It is impossible to hear the intonation, the tone of the voice. That’s a lot, I think. But I was so inspired by the idea of a candid letter that I decided to omit these important details.

        • So true. My family misinterprets text messages all the tine. What’s wrong? Are you upset? We have all been there. Yes Bette and Tina do need to have a one on one soon, look each other in the eye and truly listen. But this is such a positive step.

    3. This is an absolutely wonderful chapter. The letter from Tina is absolutely what she needed to do. This enabled Bette to see what is in Tina’s heart and reexamine her words without distraction or trying to formulate a response. It requires just listening and seeing the words and formulating an understanding before proceeding to a response. I know this letter is not a complete and total revelation of what is on Tina’s mind and in her heart, but it lays out a starting point for Bette to deal with.

      How can Bette not respond to this in any manner than in a positive manner. It’s the doorway to the future… it’s not the path or the map. I only hope, the Bette can express her initial thoughts and feelings as clearly as Tina did hers. Perhaps they can get together to start to communicate and clear the air and start to resolve their differences. If Bette is in need of a sign of hope for a future with Tina, this is it. Now it is a matter of whether Bette is ready and wants to try again to have a relationship with Tina.

      The thing about a letter is that it takes time to formulate and compose. It take thought and its a commitment to the ideas it expresses. And once sent, it’s a permanent record of the thoughts and ideas of the writer and cannot be denied. It’s almost as old a method of communication as time itself. Letters and writings is probably one of the most pure methods of communication created by humans and is currently endanger of being lost as a human endeavor in this world of voice communications, text messages and a few line emails…..

      Excellent chapter…. good story…. can’t wait for the next chapter.

      • Martha, thank you! I’m so happy to know that you like this story. What you wrote about audio messages and short text messages so coincides with my thoughts on this topic. I really think that we all need to slow down sometimes, think and write a thoughtful text for our loved ones. Bette will answer Tina and want to talk. When, how, and what exactly – we will find out :) Thank you very much, and I hope you will share your thoughts in the next chapters

    4. ADA
      I love this chapter so much. I love letters, emails, cards. Sounds like Tina finally found a way to communicate what was on her heart, and I hope it was effective in at least erasing some of the hurt from the words she spoke about their ‘mistake’ and not wanting to give hope. She addressed every aspect of the growing rift between them and even better, gave Bette time to read at her own speed. No phone calls or texts about hey did you get my email… she is now present and waiting patiently and hopefully Bette will step through that open door. Thank you Ada, this was a gift after a busy day. Please post soon.
      Also, well said Martha!
      BK

    5. Interesting fact – in all difficult situation in their life only Tina wrote a letters – only she trying the save their relationship every time. And Bette seems only sit and do nothing. I understand that Bette always think she better than others, but could be she less selfish at least one time?

      • It might be easier for Bette to express herself through direct conversations or something else than writing letters :) everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. After all, each person acts in their own way and chooses the right and acceptable way of communication. I think so. It’s just that in this chapter, I wanted to show the expression of Tina’s feelings. And how exactly it does it. Future chapters will probably be shown this side of Bette. But thank you for your opinion! I hope you enjoy the sequel.

    6. Ada

      Nice chapter. Love letter writing for all the reasons BK just said. You story is unfolding nicely.

      A lot of pain coming from both ends and like always the lack of communication is the biggest barrier to resolving the problems that cause the pain.

      K

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