“Yeah, but that’s because my own head is messed up.” Bette noticed how the evening sun shone down through Tina’s blond locks, illuminating her delicate features, casing her hazel eyes to shine more so than usual. She noticed how beautiful she looked, holding their daughter, and for the first time in weeks, as the thought of how much she loved Tina popped into her head, it wasn’t surrounded by feelings of guilt, insecurity, inadequacy, and most of all fear. It just felt right. Right enough for her to say. Before she could get the words out, however, Tina interrupted.

“Come on now, in fairness Bette, your head’s been messed up for a bit too long now. Before the Candace thing happened, before we lost our son, I could feel your doubts. You were everything to me, I know it was my fault to because I knew what you were feeling, but I completely glossed over it. I thought maybe if I ignored it, it would just go away. Turns out, no, that was a really stupid mistake. You haven’t told me how you really, really felt, none of the bad stuff, in years. A little of the good stuff the last time we got back together, but then you sealed that up pretty quickly too.”

“You really want to know exactly how I feel? Really? Everything?”

“Every last tiny seemingly insignificant thought that flashes through your brain, everything.”

“Fine, right now I feel scared, inadequate, nervous, nauseous, angry and unsure, but most of all…” She reached out and touched Tina’s cheek, “Most of all, I just feel like I really, really love you. And when I touch you, for a second, all that other stuff just goes away. But then I start to feel that undercurrent of passive anger you still hold for me, and it all comes rushing back to me. That I’m a failure at the one really important thing in life, that I’m not good enough for you.”

“Not good enough?! Don’t you get it Bette? You’re everything. You are it for me. No matter how much I try to fight it, no matter how angry I am, no matter who I throw myself at or what I do, deep down I know no matter what all I’ll ever really want it is you. Before you slept with Candace, I know we had problems, but you were the centre of my universe. When things got bad, I always knew how much I loved you, and having you was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. I just didn’t appreciate it until I didn’t have you anymore.”