Bette nodded, turning her focus to the movie, trying to keep the plot and the action in order.  Bette had never read the book, it wasn’t her type of novel, a lesbian cop and a lesbian writer in a very small town, and certainly she couldn’t connect to those people.  Tina kept casting looks at Bette, sensing that Bette was at odds about whatever had happened between her and Jo. 

            Almost an hour into the rough cut, Tina was mesmerized by the action, her hand moving to the bowl of popcorn, her fingers grazing Bette’s, turning to look at Bette about to say something, when Bette said in a pain filled voice, “I turned her again.”

            “Huh?” asked Tina, fumbling for the remote and pausing the movie.

            “I… the serum that was used on Jo, to turn her into a vampire… I… Um, I used it and turned her back into a vampire.  There was no experimental treatment…  I took it, and I injected her…,” said Bette struggling to keep the tears at bay, shaking almost violently.  Tina took the bowl and moved it aside, scooting over to Bette, reaching over and wiping away the tears that now came down her face in torrents.  “I killed her, I took her humanity away, I didn’t give her a choice, I just did it, and I did it because I was selfish…”

            “You just wanted her to live…,” said Tina, gathering Bette into her arms and Bette clung to her. 

            “I hate what I did, but I’d do it again…  I lost her… I lost her…,” repeated Bette as she buried her face into Tina’s shoulder.  Shaking hard, her hands gripping at Tina’s clothes, the sobs shook her body, and Tina didn’t try telling her it would be ok.  She didn’t pretend to understand what Bette was going through, only Bette knew that feeling.  What Tina did do was hold her, letting her cry until the tears wouldn’t come anymore, until the darkness of the night waned into the twilight of the day and Bette fell into a guilt ridden sleep in Tina’s arms.

            Tina gently eased Bette down onto the couch, kneeling and seeing the horrific painted look that Bette held even in sleep, kissing her own fingertips and placing the kiss on Bette’s lips, “I hope she forgives you, because you never cried like this when you cheated on me.  You are so much a changed person, Bette Porter, and I wish this had been the person who’d fallen in love with me all those years ago,” whispered Tina more to herself than to Bette.  Creeping to her bedroom and pulling off the comforter, she brought it back to cover Bette with it.  Tucking in the second woman of that night, Tina turned off the lights and the TV, going off to bed, alone.

~*~*~*~*~*

Left Behind

8.8.2005

JMG

I breach that void never to be crossed

All the rapid thoughts fill my mind

I don’t think of the things I’ve done

Only the things I’ve been convicted of

I’m a lost barren soul

Fill me with your inspiration?

Help me change the rogue I’ve been

Help me find the person

That I left behind

Crashing down to my knees in despair

I shed tears never meant to fall

I’ve lost what was once my destiny

I sit under the moon

Praying to the sky so clear

I beg to ask the questions

I just want to know why

Cosmic justice just isn’t just

All the frenzied voices in my mind

Scream your name as the salvation in my night

I’m a lost barren soul

Fill me with your inspiration?

Help me change the rogue I’ve been

Help me find the person

That I left behind

I caused so much pain

Rages do many wars

So much hurt

So much blood shed in my path

I cannot take it any more

Take me away

I beg you on this dawning day

I’m a lost barren soul

Fill me with your inspiration?

Help me change the rogue I’ve been

Help me find the person

That I left behind

With that said, I have a favor to ask of all my loyal followers.  Over at myfandoms.com I’ve posted a rather different tale, some may have read it, some not.  The url is –

 http://www.myfandoms.com/browse/home/fanfiction/show/1391   

I wouldn’t mind a few comments and thoughts, merci!

JadedRogue/Janet Marie