“No, I haven’t been sick at all. Strange, huh? After how awful I felt before.”

“So things have been uneventful?” Bette asked. “No complications?”

“It’s been pretty easy, really. Lately I’m having a little trouble getting comfortable enough to fall asleep. But mostly wonderful,” Tina said, sitting back down with her tea.

“And you’re happy?” Bette asked, searching Tina’s face.

Tina blew across the top of her steaming mug, pausing before she answered. “It’s not exactly how I imagined things would be,” she said finally. “But I really want this baby. And I’m very happy about it.”

“You’re going to be an amazing mother. I wishI wish you and I” Bette started.

“Bette, don’t. Okay?” Tina said evenly, looking up to meet Bette’s eyes.

“Please, Tina. Please let me say this.”

Tina sighed and nodded, resting her hand on the counter as if to brace herself against Bette’s words.

“I wish that you and I had spent time working through our grief together after the miscarriage. I didn’t know how to comfort you and I didn’t think I deserved any comfort,” Bette said quietly.

“What are you talking about? We both lost a baby.”

“I know. But I felt like I hadn’t been present for you. I wasn’t available. Not like I promised you I’d be. Ichecked out. And then when hewhen welost him, I didn’t want to feel it. I could see what you were going through, and I was afraid to open myself to that kind of pain. I couldn’t face it. I tried to stay distracted. With Provocations, with the protestors”

“With Candace,” Tina said softly.

“I’m sorry I was too afraid to fall apart with you and trust that you would put me back together. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you to lean on the way you needed me to be,” Bette said, gently putting her hand on top of Tina’s.

Tina sat unmoving for a long moment before squeezing Bette’s hand in response. “Have youdid you ever give yourself permission tofeel anything about him?”

Bette felt tears spring to her eyes as she remembered how she had finally allowed herself to grieve for their lost child. “On your due date. I went to the beach and took a long walk and cried myself sick.”

“That was a tough day,” Tina whispered, nodding, lost in her own thoughts.

“I wish we’d been together. Or been able to talk to each other.”

“Maybe we just did,” Tina said, looking over at Bette and giving her hand a final squeeze.

Bette swallowed hard. “Yeah. I guess we did.”

They sat in silence for several more minutes before Tina picked up her mug and gathered her robe more tightly around her.

“I think I’m going to try and get some sleep. Good night, Bette.” Tina stood and lightly placed her hand on Bette’s back before leaving the room.

“Good night, T,” Bette said, watching her go.