The last time the words I Love You left my mouth I was nine years old. My mother was supposed to go out with friends, to get a haircut. Instead she never came back. And my father had to take care of me, see he left us but when my mother left me he was the one who came back. My father is everything to me; he has brought me up to believe anything is possible if you apply dignity and hard work. But I dont profess love so he can hear. I love him to death and show it through my actions. I please him. The only person then I professed love to was my mother and thats what kid does. I have everything she touched so I can think how much I love her. When I me you, got to know you-I tried hard not to love you. When I finally admitted to myself that I did the words tried to rip out of my mouth to tell you. Not whisper it after making love and youre asleep. You were the one who cracked that mold that has been around my heart for twenty one years, no longer could I keep love inside that protection anymore, behind the safe side. Hope you understand why im sometimes paralyzed around you, its kind of intimidating. Its a struggle that was raging every time I was with you. A huge part of me wanted to run away. After making love and feeling so ***** vulnerable it was scary ad I hated it. I hated how you could really see me. That feeling like you had me was scary. Tina you had me by a string, I wanted to give you the world. But that struggle had me by the ***** throat and I was choking on my own vanity. This is true love, and I fucked up by trying to fight it. But there was, is, a vital special part of me that hasnt been infected by insecurity. The part that made me makes me want to be a better person for you and myself. Unfortunately darling there are so many more insecurities. Im afraid. Im scared of failure. I feel one thing but show anotherso I wont get disappointed, so ill be protected. I love so much it hurts so I try not to show it. Hate to cry. When things are going well I think the worst is coming. There are so many others but this is not the time or way. Exposing myself so much to you makes me hope we can be together. Because then we can help each other love each other be with each other. I miss you. I want to make you laugh to make you dinner to listen to your fears to know what scares youdarling, my body aches for you. Making love to you is something I long for. But lets start with coffee first; lets talk for once until nothing is left unturned over. Ill be back in three daysI hope you will call me. There is so much to look forward to.

Love….Bette Porter.