So I quickly ran up the stairs, packed my things adding on some of my childhood belongings not knowing when I would be back and went back down into the living room where the three of them still sat but now they were quietly talking to themselves.  I went into the room and silence; my father stood up and silently went to the front door and opened it.  Nothing, not a good bye, not a word from him.  I walked through the door looking back inside to see my mom getting up to pace the floor and my sister silently crying.

As soon as I walked through the door it was closed, slammed rather behind me.  So I walked to my rental car, placed my bags in the trunk and drove off looking in the rearview mirror and sobbing.  I know that they would never accept me for who I am, and this is who I am.  I didn’t choose to be a lesbian, I just am.

So here I am, still crying, on a plane to Chicago where I’ll catch my plane to LA.  I’ve lost my family.  It hurts so bad.

Dear Diary,

I feel like I am in a deep depression.  My family hung up the phone when I called and I tried a few times before I got on my last plane.  The only words I heard was an angry voice from my mother saying “Do not call here again.”  I truly have lost my family, my wonderful kind loving accepting family who can accept that my aunt is a raging alcoholic but not that their own daughter is in love with this amazing woman.

Dear Diary,

Seven days ago I was counting down the hours before my flight the next day and now I am sitting alone in my darkened apartment.  Yesterday was a blur, talking to my family then spending hours on planes and in the airports and then I finally got into LA at two o’clock in the morning and into a cab and home.  I have been awake ever since just looking through the photo albums that I have made through the years; from childhood up until now I even printed out some new pictures from this trip and added them in.  I have tried to fall asleep but I just can’t every time I close my eyes I see my father’s anger, my mother’s blank face while she is pacing and my sister’s crying.

Dear Diary,

I must have eventually fallen asleep out of the exhaustion of being awake for 32 hours because I woke up to see Bette’s beautiful brown eyes looking at me.  I saw the questioning look on her face probably wondering why I was home and not in North Carolina as planned and I saw the compassion and worry about my state of mind and condition. 

She whispered, “T?”

I just dissolved into tears.  Having my love right in front of me was too much for me to handle.  She got closer to me and wrapped her arms around me.

“T, baby what wrong”

I was silent; no words were able come out through my sobs.  So we just sat there on my couch with me in the arms of my love and her holding me and running her fingers through my hair.

At some point later on we were still sitting there and I looked into her eyes and was finally able to speak.  “I love you Bette, so much”

“I know honey.  Why are you here baby?  I thought you had another week with you family.”

I sniffled a bit and started explaining what had happened with my family.  She was so understanding, holding me and comforting me.

“Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry that that happened.  I hope you know that I love you so much and will do my best to never hurt you.  Why don’t we pack you some things and you come and stay at my house for the rest of your vacation.  I don’t want you to be alone right now.  Okay?”

So I packed a bag and we went to her house and now she’s in the other room finishing up some work and I am here in her bedroom looking out the big windows out into the backyard.  Her house is perfect.