I dont know if its cheating, thats why Im here, you moron, I said with frustration in my voice, immediately regretting the moron comment and quickly apologizing.

Im sorry, I didnt mean to call you that, I said with sincere remorse. Its just that I CAN NOT read the signs, I dont know what to do, what you are telling me. Things are getting way out of control again and I am not sure why, not sure how I let this happen. Maybe YOU let it happen?

I took a deep breath, as deep as I could with the pillow covering my head , my arms crossed atop the pillow holding it tightly over my face. The smell of leather filled my senses despite my nose being completely covered – I love the smell of real leather – its so raw, so earthy. Thats one of the reasons I liked lying on her couch – it was real leather – it felt good, smelled great, gave me a secure feeling, if only for a short while.

I knew she was there, I could feel her staring at me. I lifted the pillow just enough to peek at her, sitting on the back of the couch, her feet so close to my bruised butt and thigh. She was nonchalantly examining her finger nails and brushing the lint and wrinkles from her white linen pants and watching me. She looked ***** fabulous wearing nothing but a white tank under the matching white linen blazer, her dark skin glowing in the one light from the doctors dimly lit office, her thick brown tresses falling wildly about her shoulders.

You look great, by the way, I managed to whisper to her trying to make up for the moron comment. But something in that look she shot my way gave me the distinct impression that she was not amused. No, being the omnipotent loving deity that she was, Bette probably knew that she was fabulous, that she look great, and that if there was a moron in the room, I would be that moron.

What are you doing, Bette? Why are you here, of all places, I asked so confused at the sight of her, wondering if the shrink doctor could see her, could hear her. I once again pulled the pillow down tightly over my head and face hoping she, her image, whatever it was, would simply disappear. I didnt even wait for her answer before going into hiding.