I was kinda, sorta, a little bit sure of what heaven was like. My near death experience led me to the bright lights, the sounds and sights of all things pleasing and desirable and the faces of those who had passed on before me – both friends and relatives . In that place my senses were filled with the aromas which gave me comfort and the warm fuzzy feelings that gave me security. It was everything I had heard it would be and nothing at all what I had expected.

And I was also kinda, sorta, a little bit sure of what ***** would be like for I was living it everyday. That burning sensation which enveloped my skin every time I opened my frickin mouth to speak was just a preview of what awaited me the next time I died. With every lie I told, my soul blackened like grilled grouper from the most popular of seafood restaurants. And if you have ever had blackened food of any kind, you know that the more burnt it is, the better it is. So the more lies I told just made me a tastier treat for the Prince of Darkness, his mouth watering, his hands rubbing together in anticipation of my arrival at his firey abode.

No doubt I was destined for a spiraling descent after my next last breath, I just knew it, I could feel it–the soles of my shoes smoldering as if I were walking on hot coals, my butt and scalp so hot I needed to soak in ice water to rid my being of the innumerable sins I was amassing.

(***** IN CHUCH – – WHAT THE ***** WAS I THINKING??? WHY WASNT BETTE INTERVENING IN MY THOUGHT PROCESS AND HELPING ME TO SORT OUT MY FEELINGS AND DESIRES?? WHAT WAS I DOING CYBER SEXING ON LINE AND WRITING TO FAN FIC AUTHORS WHEN K WAS SITTING ACROSS THE TABLE FROM ME??? WHAT THE ***** IS WRONG WITH ME??)

It had been several days after my last session with the head doctor and I was in crucial need of some cleansing. Once again Bette had deserted me, nowhere to be found in my most desperate of hours. She had walked out of the shrink session in disgust, shaking her head and mumbling something about Psalms 31:18. K had asked me how things went that day, but I really couldnt remember too much of what was discussed. I told her that the session went pretty well (LIAR – MOTHER ***** PIECE OF ***** WEAKASS LIAR) and that I was really feeling like getting back into the swing of life (PATHETIC, LUNATIC, NO-GOOD LIAR). I told her I wanted to get all dolled up since tomorrow was SUNDAY and I wanted to look and feel sensational for her.