I couldn’t let her go. When she asked me if she could just step out for a bit, I panicked. I mustered up enough energy to shake my head. Then I surprised us both.

“No..Al..don’t go.” Jeez, that took a lot of energy to say. I felt really bad making her stay, but I’m scared.

I don’t want to die.

“Okay, Dane. It’s alright, you’re my first priority. I can take plenty of walks.. with you, when we both get out of here,” Alice said, sighing. I could hear her voice but I couldn’t see what she was doing. Then I felt my hand being engulfed by hers.

I’m safe.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I don’t know if we were ready for that. Instead, I squeezed her hand and tried to smile.

I know what could happen. I could give up, I could let go. It was getting hard. No, I’m not going to do that. I have to fight, I want to live. I need Alice, and I’m almost sure she needs me. So tired.. I’ll just drift off for a minute. Alice is here. I’ll be fine.

————————————————————————————————————

What’s going on? Why is everyone yelling? Everything’s drifting away.. I can’t feel her hand anymore. I can’t feel anything. The beeping was fading away. Is that Alice? Yes… she’s yelling…and crying. She’s still here, she didn’t leave. I’m falling…

Oh God.. am I dying? No, no, no. I can’t. I won’t. I..have to.. fight.. For Alice. I can’t, I’m not going to let go. I can’t relax. I have to keep going. I can still hear her.

“DANA! Don’t go! Don’t.. Don’t leave! Keep fighting!”

How could I ever refuse her? Beeping. I could hear it again. Hmm.. that’s good, right? Fuck, I’m tired. Where’s Alice? Who’s crying? Jesus, calm down, whoever you are. Ugh, I guess I’ll have to open my eyes and tell them myself. Oh.. there’s the nurse. And the doctor. What just happened? Is that Alice? Oh no, she’s the one who’s crying. I hate it when she cries.

“Don’t cry, Al. You’ll be fine.” Shit, that came out really raspy and much quieter than I hoped. Did she hear me? I better open my eyes and check. Alice was smiling down at me, but tears were running down her face. She was far away. Well, if she’s smiling, than it can’t be that bad. I’m tired. Goodnight.

————————————————————————————————————

Alice squeezed Dana’s hand again. She’d almost lost her. She looked at the heart monitor, pleased to hear the steady beeping. She switched her gaze to Dana’s face. Dana had been talking hours before. Assuring her it’d be fine.

Figures. Right after a heart attack, Dana was doing the assuring. So oblivious. Tears were running down her face again. Alice sighed. She was hopelessly in unrequited love with her best friend, who was dying before her eyes. She thought back to that night.

“I don’t..um.. I don’t think I can live without you.”  No, she couldn’t. Look at how far she’d fallen when Dana had broken up with her. And, if Dana died? She started crying harder, looking again at the heart monitor. Steady. Dana’s chest was rising and falling evenly. Alice reached down and kissed Dana’s cold cheek. She’s still alive. She had kept fighting. She hadn’t left.

Alice settled back in her chair. She took Dana’s hand in both of her hands and tried to fall asleep.

————————————————————————————————————

Dana groaned.

What the fuck happened?

She felt light-headed and dizzy. She couldn’t shift her head. A steady beeping was coming from beside her.

Oh yeah.. Cancer. Hospital. Dying.

“Dane? You finally awake?” Alice whispered faintly. It’d been a day since the scare. Alice hadn’t moved from her spot, to scared to care about anything else. She squeezed Dana’s hands, hoping to get a response.

“Al? What happened? Why were you crying?” Dana murmured, not remembering a thing besides that. Her throat was dry and it hurt to talk. She felt Alice’s hands on her own.

“Don’t talk if it hurts. You gave us a scare. Your heart stopped, but it’s okay now. I’m right here. I’m so proud of you. You’re so brave,” Alice replied, trying hard to stop the sobs that were coming. Dana smiled slightly.

It was all worth it to hear that.