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Driving — Chapter 22
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Previously in this L Word Fanfic:
Bette waited in the lobby. Her patience, or lack thereof, had truly been tested here. She had spent a good part of the last few days waiting for the phone to ring and this morning it had nearly frayed her last nerve. Now, here she was, waiting for Tina to arrive. It was the big pay-off for all the earlier waiting.
Bette saw the car pull up and her stomach knotted again. She put her right hand on it and took a deep breath. People passed her in the lobby but her gaze was fixed on the space just above that black car. Tina stepped out and entered the space. Bette saw her in profile. A breeze blew her hair back gently from her face. Her lips were parted slightly. Bette swallowed hard; Shes lovely.
Tina turned and looked towards the front door but the glare on the glass prevented her from seeing inside. Bette didnt know this though, and when she saw Tina facing her she gave her a warm and very sincere smile.
Tina handed the keys to the attendant and hesitated a moment to think about her bag in the trunk. She decided it could wait. She walked around the car, took one last deep breath and opened the front door of the hotel.
***
Tinas eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the dimmer light of the lobby, but before she could see her entirely, she heard Bette say hello.
Tina turned slightly to her left and beheld a clear vision of Bettes face. It was lit up with a smile; her eyes were warm and filled with hope. Hi, Tina said, a small smile coming spontaneously. Neither made a motion for physical contact, although Bette desperately wanted to hug Tina, she knew she couldnt initiate that.
Tina could not keep pace with her emotions. In the first instant, she was pleased to see Bette and to appease the part of her that missed her long time love. Then she felt anxiety and anger and uncertainty wash through her just as fast. In the end, she drew back and her facial expression was neutral, tending toward cool.
Bette searched Tinas face for clues and read a mixed message, which fed her own anxiety in the moment. She averted her eyes. Tina looked down and then toward the front door. There was an awkward silence. The air between them was heavy with unspoken words. Bette broke the silence. So, was the drive here ok?
Tina nodded.
Obviously, you found the hotel.
Tina was still struggling with her feelings and searching for something to say that would express anything that she felt. Bette just gave her a starting point.
I knew the way. I stayed here last weekend with my mother.
Bette looked at her, puzzled. You were in Taos last weekend? Here?
Yes.
When did you leave?
Sunday afternoon.
Thats when I got here, Bette said incredulously.
We just missed each other, Tina said.
Bette was absorbing this bit of information and enjoying the fact that they had entered each others orbit without even knowing it. Wow.
Tina shrugged.
Would you like to go up to the room? Bette asked.
Tina looked at her and raised one eyebrow.
I mean, to wash up or use the bathroom or leave your suitcase, she looked around, which I dont see.
Um, my bags in the car for now and Im OK.
Ok, Bette said, smiling bravely. She thought, The bags in the car, shes leaving herself an out. Bettes emotions began to cascade. Tina could decide to leave at any time.
Do you want to go for a walk? Tina asked.
Yeah, lets do that, Bette said without hesitation.
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first off, love your story, second I so agree with shadow, how long do you hold unto anger, I can see trust coming slowly, but somewhere, of the love is so strong between two people, there has to be a starting point. If Tina doesnt fell that at all, then it is time to cut Bette loose. sorry, just a comment, I know this is your story, and I love it
thanks for the update- always enjoy reading your writing.
Woo that was hard wasn’t it? nice work.
Whew! I just exhaled, apparently for the first time in minutes. Good heavens, I feel like your story is reaching in and clenching my heart without mercy. At the beginning of the chapter, I was thinking how well you conveyed the tentativeness and apprehension for both of them, and I was holding on to the possibility or, dare I say, hope that they would start to bridge the gulf between them as Bette has left herself wide open for Tina. Then *POW!* Tina not only can’t take that step forward, but slams the door! Me thinks somebody would benefit from a little therapy, or at least listening to dear ol’ mom! You left me deflated, so please don’t be remiss and leave me down for long. I need you to remove those talons from my heart. (And I’m not even a huge B&T fan!) Thank you for this amazing story.
I like this story. There is anger but also love. I am looking forward to where this is going. Thanks!
found out a long time ago tohold on to angry, you need to think of the person.So Tina is thinking of Bette,wish she would throw in some good time instead of all the bad things. Love Tina and Bette together,but if Tina can;t think of good,they just need to walk away and start a new life for them self. Tina gets mad at everything that Bette trys to do. thanks
Wow, this was so full of raw emotion. Great chapter.
It seems Tina hasn’t see Bette since three weeks or a month. And to see her, anger and all emotions come back. It’s natural. Infidelity isn’t a thing easy to forget and to forgive. Even you were in a profound love, maybe it’s still more hard. Just time help. But Tina needs to talk or unless to hear Bette, it’ll be a beginning.
Thanks for your story.
Please just let whatever was in the air, when Tina was there, with her mom, that relaxed her, to engulf her again. She needs to lighten up. Or open up and start the communication, even if it is a whole lot of yelling.
Wonderful story, great poise, the pace makes it feel very real, combined with your wonderful writing is a great read – thank you.
I understand Tina’s erratic emotional state–wanting to see and talk to Bette after however many weeks apart, but not able to find the words or space to allow the necessary dialog to start the ever important conversation. Maybe, Tina was premature to think she would be ready to confront Bette on her infidelity and their marital issues. There’s nothing wrong with taking more time for oneself to regroup and process. I’d rather that happen, so long as it is communicated that that is what the other person is doing, than to be completely abandoned with nary a word either way. Yes, Tina was excessively harsh, leading me to believe that she really hadn’t taken the time to process her relationship or Bette, rather she used the time to stew in ire over the betrayal. This Tina is not ready to communicate; so, I say, give her more time, but be honest with Bette because she too has the right to “process” even if she was the one to sever the relationship completely by cheating.
Bette, Bette, Bette. You broke the girl’s heart and shattered her self-esteem. You can’t just ride in and micro-manage a reunion. (Even if I’d like to see Bette toss Tina over her shoulder and take her back to the hotel room…well…)
Need to remind myself that this story is soon after the breakup. (And keep hoping for those hotel room scenes.)
But Tina honey, you’re there, you might as well listen.
I think your story and ‘The Chase’ by Olives might be the ones where Tina expresses some ambivalence about continuing the relationship. Usually, it is just physical distance that separates them, and by the time Bette and Tina are back in close proximity, reuniting is a fait accompli. The way you are handling this is much more realistic, shocking but fair, given what Tina has been through.
The course of true love never runs smooth, does it? Especially when one partner has violated the trust that must form its foundation.
Thanks for posting again so soon!
I like how you are setting the stage for this intense and much needed discussion that is quite evident these two need to have. Enjoyed this chapter. Looking forward to the next.
Wow, great chapter. Such intensity. Can’t wait for the next one!
Intense, but realistic. I look forward to your next installment.
I like how you are showing it is not easy and you don’t always know what you feel until it overwhelms you. Great writing
Disappointed in the outcome of the chapter…thought it was going in a different direction, but you write it and I’ll read.
Damn this is sad!
sheeeeit. tina’s pissed. ;) like your story.
Sad but very good. I hope they work it out.
Massmom,
I so look forward to your chapters…I have a question. How long does one hold on to anger? Does the profound love that once was felt,get completely erased by anger so that all that is left of that memory is an empty page? I guess I am asking because I have never been able to sustain anger for longer than a few hours…it takes too much energy for me to be mad longer than that. I worry that Tina has held on to her anger for much to long. In real life I would tell her to either let it go or move on.
Maybe Bette should urge Tina to cry and yell, get some of her anger out of her system. Baby steps. Great update.
Wow. Very intense, very realistic flood and flare of emotions. Even standing right next to each other they still have so far to go before they’re with each other again. As always, I’ll be looking forward to your next installment. Thanks so much for this story.