Tina and Diane enjoyed a comfortable and relaxing evening together at home. Tina had insisted on cooking and had prepared and beautiful dinner by the time Diane returned from work. After dinner they sat and watched a movie together on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between them. Her mother had chosen a romantic comedy, a straight romantic comedy, and something that Tina never would have chosen for herself. Somehow though, she just didnt care. She sat with her mother and enjoyed her enjoyment of the movie. Tinas concentration drifted in and out as the movie played and at one point she remembered that she hadnt called Shane. She made a mental note to do that before she went to sleep.
Later in bed Tina tried to read before going to sleep but the old restlessness returned. She wondered what Bette was doing. She reviewed their conversation in her head and ran up against the same dead end. She was so stuck on why – it was important for her to understand that.
Lying there she began to go back in her mind to their earlier times together. She extended her left arm out onto the bed and allowed the memory of Bette being here with her to come. Ever since she arrived she had been fighting that memory of the last time she had visited her mother with Bette. Together they had slept here. Together they had made love in this bed.
Tina remembered it now. It was shortly before Tina quit her job and they had flown here for a long weekend. It was a time of possibilities. Bette was the new director of the CAC and she was full of energy and ideas. They had decided to start a family and Tina was going to carry the baby. It was all hopeful. They had spent a leisurely day driving through the desert to meet a painter that Bette heard about and then they had hiked to the top of small mesa. In her memory Tina could see Bettes outstretched hand as they got to the summit and the way she had pulled Tina up and into a kiss. Later they ate at a little Mexican restaurant where they were surrounded by twinkling lights and romantic guitar music.
Back in their bedroom, this room where Tina was now, she remembered the glow of the lamp on Bettes face as she stood before the dresser.
What T?
You look so beautiful Imjust mesmerized.
Bette smiled and crossed the room to take Tina in her arms. Youre the beautiful one. They kissed tenderly and then deeper and longer. Bette reached up under Tinas shirt and gently caressed the small of her back. Tina put her hand around the back of Bettes head and dove her fingers deep into Bettes thick hair. Bette began to kiss her way down Tinas neck, You feel so good. Tinas eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply, enjoying the shivers that Bettes kisses gave her.
It feels like forever since weve
Tina pulled away. Bette – were at my mothers.
Bette laughed, So? Are you afraid shes going to find us and ground you?
Tina smiled, No, but it feels weird.
Bette looked at her, amused. T, youre all grown up now. Your mother knows were a couple and Im pretty sure she knows we have *****.
Tina looked in Bettes eyes for a long moment and bit her lower lip. Then she turned away, walked to the door and locked it. She walked back to Bette and her bemused expression, wrapped her arms around her. OK, come here.
Their lovemaking had been sweet and slow and then lustful and urgent. Tina remembered her deep hunger for Bette that night. How she had wanted no separation between their bodies, how she had yearned for a level of physical closeness that was impossible to reach. She had wanted to be inside of Bette.
Bette had been attentive and loving and skillful. Her touch, her lips, her tongue had brought Tina to such a level of pleasure that she had wanted it to last forever. She felt as if she were in a trance with Bette. A trance of desire and fulfillment and love and lust and deep connection. She wanted to make love this way always. When her ***** came it shook her with enormous waves of emotion and release. Tinas body flushed with desire now at the memory of it.
Afterward, Tina lay on her back with Bettes head on her stomach.
What are you thinking? Bette asked.
Nothing.
Bette raised her head and looked into Tinas eyes.
Nothing at all?
Tina smiled slightly and rubbed her hand across Bettes shoulder.
I wish wed just made a baby.
Bette smiled, I know, Im impatient to start too.
No, I meanI wish we had just made a baby ourselves when we made love and not not have to have other people involved.
Bettes face had a look of wonder on it. Tina could see that face so clearly now in her memory.
Thats so beautiful, T, she said, stroking Tinas cheek. She pulled herself up farther and lay on top of Tina so they were face to face. She looked in Tinas eyes with deep conviction, Our baby will be conceived in love, our love.
Soft tears had dripped from Tinas eyes then as they did now. She missed that Bette. She missed that Tina.