We clashed mid-way, the papers she was carrying flying all around like huge white petals. I grabbed her by her arms as she was about to fall back, pulling her towards me. And, obviously, losing the train.

She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on, and probably my face showed it pretty clearly, because she wiggled out of my grip immediately, chuckling nervously.

I murmured that I was sorry, and that I hadn’t seen her, that it was all my fault. Male apologies, as usual. And she smiled, her blue eyes wide and round, and I think I fell in love with her almost instantaneously.

Cassandra threw a sad look to her papers, spread all over the rail lines. And I wanted to impress her, so I asked her to hold on a second and I jumped off the platform, on the rails, taking the papers one by one with a wide, idiotic smile spread all over my face.

It was six years ago. After making love with me for the first time, Cassandra confessed that she thought I was a cocky dork. I laughed and squeezed her into my arms. I had to admit that I was indeed cocky. And dork, also. But that I loved her. That I wanted her by my side. That my days as a player were definitely over, now that she was in my world.

I loved her long, curly, red hair. Long, long hair reaching the small of her back. I love her small freckles. I loved the way she smiled at me, that particular way she had to giggle when she was happy or satisfied about something. I loved her hands and how they brushed my hair and my face, I loved the way she slept snuggled against my chest.

When that grenade hit me, indirectly, in Afghanistan, I only remember seeing my balaclava flying away, the hurt of the rocks pushing into my back as I fell, the burning pain all over my right side and shoulder and… Cassandra. Her face appearing before my eyes. Blue eyes, pale complexion, freckles and red hair. I remember thinking: if I die, I will break her heart. And maybe I survived because of that.

Now. If she dies, she will break my heart. And just because somebody took her away from me, I have killer intentions. Killer hands, killer eyes and killer soul. I know that somebody is going to pay. For Cassandra, Marshall, Shane and Carmen and everybody else involved, injured, damaged or assassinated in this game.

The blood on my hands won’t bother me at all. It won’t keep me awake at night.

”Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker’s face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it’s time for you to bring me home”.”*

TBC

***

SOUNDTRACK:
* "10,000 days" (Tool)