I swallow, cupping her face. She’s looking at me anxiously, nervously, the expression in her eyes is lost, guilty, terrified of losing me.

“I do believe you”, I only murmur, and she lets go a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She grabs my wrists and pulls me towards her, kissing my lips with soft, trembling, warm feathers of kisses. Her hands are cold and sweated.

“I do believe you”, I repeat against her lips, quietly, feeling free, feeling like I can breathe again, not feeling scared anymore but just worried, worried for her and scared by her demons.

“I am sorry I didn’t tell you what I was doing. I just wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to know that I was still thinking about him, about what he did to you, to us, to…”.

I don’t finish the sentence at her place. I already know who she’s talking about and our silence is more than enough. I just run my fingers through her hair, feeling the warmth of her body and the safeness it always gives me. Feeling home and being terrified at the idea of losing all I have, again.

I kiss her one more time, with no other words, and she kisses me back, passionately and deeply, and we hug tightly and I don’t care about that woman or those photographs or Shane’s omissions. The only thing I care about is our family. It’s all I have, it’s all I have to protect.

“I love you, Shane. But please don’t cut me out. Don’t do that. I need to know that you always want me by your side”.

“I do…”, she replies quietly, huskily, staring at me with begging eyes. And despite this, I know there are shadows inside her that I’ll never be allowed to see. So I just rest my forehead against her and nod silently, and in silence, I tell her that everything is going to be alright, that it’s okay.

”You know you’ve got a long way down
You’ll feel it when you hit the ground
It’s not what you wanted
It’s not what you came here for
This place just leaves you cold
Where nothing matters
Pinned inside the walls of sound
Reaching but your hands are bound
Crying but your love’s so sweet
Your singing but your heart still weeps”

**

The elevator doors open at the third floor and the huge, white hallway seems to have no beginning or end. Tasha turns her head to the left, then to the right, her dark eyes serious and tough. She gives a last glance to the note Shane left us, and starts walking.

I am just two steps behind her and I have goose-bumps all over my forearms.

“You know Tash… I would like to find this thing thrilling and exciting, but I don’t”, I mutter rolling my eyes.

She grimaces a little.

“Al… I never told you it would be funny, we’re not a movie set…”.

“Why are you so mean?”, I wince, and she just grabs my hand in hers.

“I am not mean. I am just edgy. I am sorry”.

I clasp to her elbow with my free hand.

“Jeez… I so would like you to be still in the Army, right now…”.

“Yeah…”, she just replies under her breath, stopping in front of a closed door. Room 82.

“Here we go”, Tasha whispers, turning the doorknob.

And the room is empty. The bed is made. Everything is clean, nothing out of place. Tasha narrows her eyes and so do I.

“Whattafuck…”, I hiss.

“He’s not here”, Tasha states.

“Yeah I see”, I retort rolling my eyes again.

“Yes, he’s not here anymore”, a voice behind our shoulders says.

We both turn around at the same time and there is this blonde, pin-up nurse watching us with a bright smile on her face, her hands shoved deeply in the pockets of her white overall.

“You are…?”, Tasha asks uncertain, narrowing her eyes.

The nurse smiles even wider now, tilting her head to a side.

“My name is Justine. And you are both going to come with me”.

”And no one ever seems to care
Feels like she walks on air
It’s not what you wanted
It’s not what you came here for
This place just leaves you cold
Where nothing matters
I can’t wait for time to save us
And I can’t break your fall forever
‘Cause you always take
You always take too much
You always take
You always take too much”

TBC

SOUNDTRACK:

* “Not What You Wanted” (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club)