Chapter 7

Tina emerged from a hot shower with a smile on her face. She truly was enjoying the visit with her family, having missed them more than she even recognized. She wrapped her robe around her and opened the door to the bathroom, allowing the steam to escape into the master bedroom where Bette was rooted to the same spot she had been standing when Tina began her shower.

“Are you expecting something to change?” Tina asked as she used a towel to dry her hair.

“What’s that?”

“You’ve been standing there for almost 20 minutes,” Tina said. “Care to share what you’re waiting for?”

“I’m picking out the perfect outfit for Rodeo Drive.”

“I wasn’t aware there was a perfect shopping outfit,” Tina walked up behind Bette and rested her chin on Bette’s shoulder. “You look good in anything you wear.”

“You’re not out of the woods Tina.”

“I wasn’t aware I was in the woods to begin with,” Tina chuckled. “If my memory is correct you were the one making noises that could be heard.”

“So you do know why you’re in the woods?” Bette arched her perfectly shaped eyebrow in Tina’s direction to illustrate her point. “The next house we buy needs to really have 2 levels so when one throws one’s self out of a window it actually does some damage.”

“This propensity to hurt yourself when my family is around is concerning,” Tina teased.

“Oh no, it’s not just them.” Bette turned around and smiled as Tina began to get dressed. “I tend to want to hurl myself out windows when Alice is around too.”

Bette pulled out a pair of black dress pants and a royal blue button-down dress shirt to go with it. She grabbed her heeled boots and laid her clothes on the bed before walking into the bathroom and starting the shower.

“Are you serious?” Tina asked when Bette sauntered out of the bathroom.

“About?”

“This outfit, you’re going shopping not working.”

“I’m going to Rodeo Drive,” Bette corrected her. “It isn’t just shopping, it’s an experience. Would you rather I wear a pair of jeans and my newly acquired tourist sweatshirt.”

“You’d be more real,” Tina shot back. “I’m wearing jeans.”

“But with a casual shirt and your blazer, which is the latest fashion,” Bette allowed her fingers to touch Tina’s blazer. “Isn’t this mine?”

“Once upon there was a stranger that wore a blazer,” Tina snickered at Bette as her eyes widened.

“Oh no, I’m already mortified over the ‘Unmasking of a Stranger’ bit. There are no more dark strangers while your family is here.”

Bette walked into the bathroom and began her shower while Tina dressed and styled her hair. Once that was done, she spent a few moments expertly applying her make-up before calling out to Bette that they were running behind and she needed to hurry. She left the bedroom, closing the door behind her, and made her way to the patio where everyone was seated waiting for Bette.

“Don’t you look nice Sugar?” Donna said when Tina stepped outside. “I wasn’t sure about the weather so I thought I’d take this coat with me.”

“It’s her lighthouse one,” Alice noted attempting to hide her smirk.

“I only bring it out for special occasions, but you can’t beg for a better occasion to wear it than shopping on Rodeo Drive.”

Tina stopped and looked at the various outfits that her family and friends were wearing. Alice had on a pair of jeans with a vintage t-shirt that hugged her every curve. It was the latest fashion when she coupled it with her stylish footwear. Jackie wore something very similar, but had made a point of borrowing Tina’s belt with the overly large buckle that complimented the outfit perfectly.

Donna noticed Tina’s perusal of their attire and nervously looked down at her own. She had on a shirt that had teddy bears on it with stitching that proclaimed ‘My grandkids are beary important’. Her jeans were pulled up slightly higher than her hips, causing them to be a tad too short.

“Mom,” Tina snickered at Donna’s hesitant look. “You look great.”

As Donna smiled, Bette emerged wearing her choice of outfits. She smiled at the others, avoiding James’s stunned gaze.

“Darlin’ I thought we were going shopping,” Donna said. “I didn’t know you had to work today.”

“I don’t,” Bette smiled. “This is what I wear to shop on Rodeo Drive.”

“Hooks and hammers,” Donna sputtered. “If Bette is wearing that then I need to change!”

“I can’t go,” James said quietly to Jackie.

“Why not?”

“Women,” James began to offer his litany of excuses. “Carrying bags, walking from store to store…”

“Bette trying on clothes,” Alice offered with a smile.

“You do know how disturbing it is that Bette’s my partner and yet you continue to be attracted to her, right?” Tina whispered to her brother. “Babe why don’t you get the car loaded while Mom is changing?”

Bette smiled at Tina and went inside to find her keys. While she was gone, Donna reemerged dressed in a different outfit. It was a tracksuit, pink and purple, with a t-shirt underneath that had cows and musical notes displayed across it. The shirt said ‘Moo-sic is my life’ but was partially hidden by the jacket to the running suit.

“This is the best running suit I’ve got,” Donna said with a proud smile.

“Oh Bette will love this,” Tina whispered to Alice who was hiding her smile behind her hand.

“I need to get my directions to Rodeo Drive,” Donna ran into the kitchen to find her tourist book. “I’ll be able to give Bette directions!”

“Oh my God,” Tina gasped. “I’d better drive after the Hollywood sign debacle.”

“You?” Alice seemed shocked. “You are going to drive Bette’s car with her inside and sober?”

“I’ve driven her car before,” Tina defended her stance. “Don’t make me hurt you Alice.”

“Are we about ready?” Bette said walking back into the backyard and stumbling at the sight of Donna. Bette was thankful to have just put on her Chanel sunglasses to hide the look of shock in her expressive eyes. “Are we seriously all set?”

“I am,” Donna said as she grabbed Bette by the arm. “I’ll ride in front so I can give you directions.”

“Directions? I know how to get to Rodeo Drive.”

“But this book says there is a certain route we should take,” Donna held up her tourist book. “That way we can see sights on the way.”

The group walked ahead leaving Bette and Tina alone together with Bette holding her car keys tightly in her hand.

“She’s going to front seat drive me isn’t she?”

“Front seat?”

“Instead of back seating driving,” Bette explained. “I can still hear her voice on the way to the Hollywood sign.”

“Let me drive then, I’m used to it.”

“You?” Bette looked stunned. “My car? You, driving while I sit in it without control?”

“Shockingly, I know how to drive just as well as you do Babe.”

Tina grabbed the dangling keys out of Bette’s hand before she could protest and walked ahead. She had gotten into the driver’s seat before Bette even made it out of the house, knowing that Bette wouldn’t willingly agree to have her drive. As Bette walked up to the car, she noticed that Tina and Donna were in the front seat, while Jackie and Alice were sitting in the back, both in the comfortable seats. What Alice commonly referred to as ‘the hump’ was still open, neither making a move to scoot over and offer their seat to the car’s owner.

“Move it Alice,” Bette barked as she ducked down to get into the backseat.

“Well I don’t have the shortest legs,” Alice sputtered.

“Don’t make me have to pull the car over before we even get started,” Tina warned playfully in her best ‘mom voice’. “Scoot over Alice.”

Alice rolled her eyes dramatically, but let Bette into the backseat and folded her arms into a classic pout position. Tina started the car, feeling the perfect hum of the powerful engine, and glancing in the rearview mirror at Bette’s expression. Tina stepped on the gas pedal to hear the engine roar, making her smile even more.

“Now this is a car,” Tina purred as she caressed the steering wheel with her soft hands.

“You drive it,” Donna said. “Not make love to it Button. Let’s get going to Rodeo Drive.”

During the trip, Bette was actually thankful for the fact that Tina was driving. Donna had shouted out directions around every corner and made parking virtually impossible. Each spot that Tina had tried to pull into, the group had an issue with. One spot Alice didn’t like because it was too close to the other vehicles and she had to crawl out of the backseat. One spot Jackie didn’t like because teenagers were loitering, causing her to dramatize the situation complete with a detailed description of them seriously vandalizing Bette’s car. Finally ignoring everyone else, Tina decided on a spot and squealed the tires pulling into it.

“Dear me,” Donna held her hand to her chest. “You don’t need to be Mario Andretti Tina.”

The group got out and began to walk out of the parking garage taking in the amazing sights. Rodeo Drive mirrored a movie set, perfectly designed to resemble a European shopping experience. Donna stopped and stood still watching everyone hustle by, some window shopping and some doing nothing more than people watching, causing her to smile and blink back a few glistening tears.

“Are you crying Mom?” Jackie asked draping her arm around Donna’s shoulder.

“Let’s get going,” Donna covered, choosing a store and walking toward it.

Tina laughed as her mother purposefully walked toward a door with a sign proudly announcing the store to be Coco Chanel. She opened it and was astounded by how quiet it was, as shoppers walked around with expensive glasses of wine or champagne. When the door opened and they walked in, the sales associates looked at them oddly, each busy with other clients or ringing up purchases. The one lone sales associate that was not busy rolled his eyes and descended upon the group quickly.

“I’m Robert Scott,” he announced. “Welcome to Coco Chanel. How may I help you?”

“He has two first names,” Donna whispered to Jackie who was taking in the mannerisms of their assigned sales associate. When he talked, he waived his hands in the air dramatically. She stifled her laugh when Alice leaned over and said that Robert Scott should change his name to Tinkerbell since it was more fitting.

“Is that an original design?” Robert Scott asked snidely at Donna who had unzipped her jacket to reveal her shirt. Before Tina could react and purposefully defend her mother, Donna began a conversation with the young man.

“In fact it is,” Donna smiled proudly. “My best friend Betty Sue makes them for the church fundraiser. She has an entire display devoted to these shirts, everyone wants them. The display is right next to the tables set up for the bake sale, which is what I run, because everyone likes homemade baked goods of course.”

“Bake sale?”

“People come from two counties over just for my banana bread,” Donna continued shocking Robert Scott. “If you’d like I could get Betty Sue to make a shirt custom for you wife.”

Robert Scott snickered and covered his mouth astounded at Donna’s offer, but touched by her sincerity.

“I’m not sure Justin would like a shirt like that Ma’am,” Robert Scott said with a smile. “Although I can tell the offer was genuine so thank you very much. Now what can I help you with?”

Donna was slightly taken aback by the admission that Robert Scott was gay, yet she tried to recover and take it in stride.

“I admire that, my daughter is gay.”

“Oh really?” Robert shrieked. “Which one is she?”

“The cute little blonde one,” Donna pointed at Tina and then at Bette who was away from the group looking at a shirt on display. “That’s her beautiful partner Bette.”

“Mom!”

“Well nice to meet you,” Robert Scott held out his hand to shake Tina’s. “I should have known but ‘lipsticks’ tend to throw me.”

“That’s called gaydar,” Donna announced completely embarrassing Tina but amusing Alice beyond words. “I read a book.”

“Doesn’t every mother that wants to be supportive?” Robert Scott smiled in return. “Let’s get you into a different outfit dear and burn this one in effigy.”

Robert Scott took Donna’s hand and led her to a section of clothes that were very fashionable, yet Tina was sure were well out of Donna’s budget. He held up a pink sweater to Donna’s body and smiled wide.

“This looks amazing.”

“But a sweater in LA?”

“Are you saying Coco Chanel clothes are not practical?”

“About as practical as butcherin’ a hog with a butter knife.”

Robert Scott did nothing to hide the look of shock mixed with contempt on his face. Instead of handing Donna a glass of champagne, he took one off the counter and downed it in one swig before placing the empty glass back on the countertop.

“A hog you say?” Robert fought the wave of nausea that swept over him.

“You know, a hog… a pig…. pork,” Donna still stared at herself in the mirror as she held the sweater to her body. “This is so soft.”

“I’m actually breaking out into a sweat here.”

“What’s the matter Robert?”

“It’s Robert Scott,” he said. “And as a very strict Vegan I’m horrified at the analogy of butchering anything living, let alone the horrors of doing it with a butter knife.”

“A Vegan?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard of a Vegan. We don’t eat meat.”

“I say the more meat you can have, smothered in gravy to boot, the better!”

“This sweater would look amazing on you,” Robert Scott oozed with sweetness to not only change the subject but to make a sale and end the conversation with Donna.

Donna held it up to her own chest again and turned around looking at Tina, Alice, and Jackie. She had to admit that the sweater did look divine on her. Robert Scott had quickly picked a pair of black pants to complete the outfit, and started to walk Donna toward the dressing rooms.

“Try it on, it couldn’t hurt.”

The group had gathered around the dressing room waiting for Donna to come out, knowing that no matter how the outfit looked on her, it was not in her price range for clothes.

“I’m not sure my mother is in the appropriate store for shopping,” Tina began. “This is a little out of her normal style.”

“Which is what makes it delicious Blondie. She needs a new style if you allowed her out of the house in that running suit.”

“She likes it! Isn’t style all about what you feel comfortable in?”

“Absolutely not,” Robert Scott said in shock. “I should revoke your gay membership card for allowing her to wear that in public. Although, considering most lesbians feel at home in flannel, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“I don’t wear flannel,” Tina said with a plastered on smile. “It’s just that…”

Tina stopped talking when her mother emerged from the fitting room looking beautiful in the outfit that Robert Scott had picked out for her.

“Can a gay man pick out clothes or what?” Alice asked causing Robert Scott to smile. “You look amazing Mom!”

“Young man,” Donna looked at Robert Scott with a strained look on her face. “I’m old enough to know that this outfit must cost more than the mortgage on my first house.”

“Style has no price.”

“Well I’d be willing to discuss it,” Donna said sweetly.

“Discuss it?”

“It can’t be this much; I’m assuming the tags are your first offer.”

“First offer?”

“Then I counter and we come up with an agreeable price.”

“This isn’t a church bazaar,” Robert Scott practically squealed. “You don’t get to counter offer Coco Chanel.”

“Well where is this Coco Chanel so I can talk to…” Donna paused a moment. “I’m assuming Coco is a female’s name?”

Robert Scott gasped in shock and held his hand to his racing heart.

“Amazing,” Bette said from behind the group. “You really do look beautiful Mom.”

“Why thank you Bette,” Donna smiled at the compliment. “I just refuse to pay more for an outfit than I did my first house. Although, it is amazing, just out of my price range.”

“Consider it an early birthday present from Tina and I,” Bette said handing a grateful Robert Scott her credit card. “It looks too good on you and you look too happy to be wearing it to pass it up.”

The group smiled as Donna blinked back tears at Bette’s generosity.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Donna held Bette in her arms and swayed back and forth. “I’m not sure how I’d ever repay you.”

“Just never mention a Harlequin romance novel,” Bette chuckled as she hugged Donna back. “And you have to stop backseat driving. Tina stinks at driving my car, so I’ll be driving us home.”

Stepping back as Donna returned to the dressing room, Bette found was suddenly spun and pulled into another embrace.

“Thank you Babe, that was sweet,” Tina whispered, allowing her tongue to slip over the edge of Bette’s ear. “That would definitely be worthy of a reward.”

“Oh really,” Bette whispered back grinning, reveling in the feel of Tina pressed against her.

“Uh-huhhhh,” Tina whispered back, allowing one hand to drift up into Bette’s hair and to the edge of her ear. “But that crack about my driving,” Tina continued, pinching Bette’s ear hard, “made me reconsider.”

Stepping back, Tina grinned before prancing off towards her sister, leaving a stunned Bette rubbing her ear as Robert Scott returned, charge slip in hand.

“That outfit for Mom should score you serious points with Blondie,” he smirked as Bette handed back the signed slip in exchange for her card. Bette fired a look at him that would have withered silk flowers and he scurried back off to his counter.

“C’mon Babe,” Tina called from the door as the group stepped out onto the street, “Shops to see, people to meet, impressions to make.”

“God save Rodeo Drive,” Bette mumbled.