“Did you sleep all this time?” I ask.

“Yeah, I did. *****, what time is it?” She doesn’t open her eyes, or seem like she really cares.

“Hmm. It’s only two.” I’m not going in to work today.

I expect her to crawl out of bed and rush off somewhere, but she opens her eyes and looks at me.

I look at her and I feel like a middle schooler with my first crush. Oh, *****, what do I say to her?

“I’m glad you came over.” I finally decide. Simple, and it could mean a range of different things.

“Me too.” The way she is looking at me is complicated and intense and I’m not sure I could ever decipher it. It’s fear, and sweetness, and hurt. Complication.

“Do you wanna talk?” I ask.

“I dunno.”

“Okay.”

She smiles a bit, nervously. I realize that she doesn’t know what to say either.

“I missed you.” she finally says. Something strange vibrates in my chest.

“Me too.” The words don’t really do it justice. They cheapen it, actually, because that went so far beyond missing. “I missed you so ***** much.”

Her lips twitch in an almost-smile. She’s nervous like a cat and I’m not sure what to do with that, how to soothe her.

“I’m so sorry.” I say, instantly regretting it, because tears are coming back to my eyes.

“D, don’t.”

“Okay.” I’m not sure what to say, where to look, how to be. First I couldn’t give her too much, now I can’t be contrite. “Okay,” I say.

She moves closer to me, eyes suddenly hungry. Kiss me, I think. God, please ***** kiss me.

Instead she rolls me over, so that I’m facing away from her, her hand just a little bit rough on my arm, and roughness that exonerates me, excites me, warms me in waves over my body.

I feel her breath in the hollow just below my ear, making me shiver, and she insinuates her hand between my legs.

“Hmm,” she sighs, teasing me gently with her fingers, petting,licking my earlobe, kissing my neck, pushing my hair aside onto the pillow.

The sound of my own breath, heavy and unsteady, is loud in the room, and makes me feel hot and *****, like I’m in tune with the erotic force of the whole world.