She starts rubbing, slow and steady, perfect and measured, and I let her. She doesn’t rush, but she isn’t particularly demonstrative, either. Now and then she will nibble the back of my neck or kiss there. I hear only her breath; she is so quiet. I let her take me in her way, feeling the press of ner naked body on my back, the snaking strength of her tendons as they work in her arm, not letting myself roll over and touch her.

I feel like I’m gonna fly apart into pieces, or fall, though I’m nowhere near the edge of the bed. I can’t touch her and it makes me feel like I’m flying through space. “Shane!” My voice sounds desperate to my own ears. Her smooth leg hooks around mine, holding me back toward her, though I can’t move in that direction. It spreads my legs further. Her fingers lift, hover over me delicately, then start again.

An epiphany glimmers just before it drowns in the sensations of my pleasure. She needs this. She needs me to fly this way, untethered and scared.

I don’t hold my reaction back, as I often have. It’s all I can give her. My breath is very loud and rough in the quiet room. There are tears in my eyes and I know I’ll lose them. I shudder violently, toes curling, flexing my legs against hers. She quickens, strumming my sweetest spot again and again and again, never losing control, holding me hard like iron, fingers constant as a metronome, and when I writhe and come it’s violent, and I cry out desperately.

I give it all to her, shudder and shake and moan, and I sense she’s pleased.

After, she holds me in a vise of her arms and leg, and I can’t move. I’m breathing, moaning, almost sobbing. Not sure I’ll ever catch my breath.

Her hand is still firm on my arm, and I can’t move. I don’t try. I can feel her other hand splay and press between my shoulder blades, and she presses a kiss between her fingers, then moves her hand down my side.

“So sweet,” I whisper. I feel like we’re negotiating a new honesty here, a state where I will let myself be completely vulnerable. And in that state, I decide, I won’t hold back. I’ll let her know every bit of how she effects me.