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Feelings… Chapter 10
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It had been ages since she and Bette had been intimate. She longed for it, but she didn’t want to be vulnerable to Bette that way—it also further complicated things between them after they’d slept together after the ultrasound while she was dating Helena. It hadn’t meant they were back together, but she was confused as to what it really meant was going on between them. Even though she had asked to move back to the home they’d shared for so many years so she could have their baby there, she realized that she really wasn’t ready. She still was hurting over so many issues that she and Bette had never discussed. This conversation was the first time they had really tried, and it was emotionally draining. It was obvious that both had a lot of anger and hurt they had never shared with one another. Tina decided, however, that whatever it took, they had to gut their way through this talk—no matter what the outcome. And she didn’t even know what outcome she wanted.
“Bette, I’m not even sure how to tell you how I got there! Things have been so complicated between us for a long time. I know that I love you, but it’s changed—I stopped being able to trust you to be here for me. And being vulnerable to you intimately just didn’t feel safe anymore. So often, when I needed you, you were so self-absorbed that you didn’t really hear what I was trying to say to you! I got tired of trying, and yes, you’re right—I did make decisions without talking to you. But sometimes, it just seemed simpler to forge ahead and do certain things rather than discuss them with you, even though I knew you wouldn’t be happy about some of the choices I made.
"Maybe I was feeling out of control of things because after I quit my job at Alphaville, we slipped into this weird traditional marriage mode– you were the sole breadwinner, and everything I did seemed to be secondary. Our relationship had been more equitable while I still worked, Bette. But when I talked to Joyce about our relationship when I thought we couldn’t stay together, I realized that maybe things had been imbalanced between us more that I thought. This was your house before I moved in. You always paid the major bills. Your career put you in the spotlight in a way that I could never be in mine. And I was slowly losing my identity as Tina Kennard, the woman who existed outside of ‘Bette and Tina’—never ‘Tina and Bette’. Even our friends treated you like the one who was more in charge! And it was clear that we were falling more and more out of touch with one another as you got busier at the CAC and I was staying at home. You seemed to lose respect for me, and you just saw me as your cook and errand girl. You expected me to be available for whatever you wanted from me whenever you were ready! Because I got the impression that you expected me to accept your ideas and decisions without talking to me about it, maybe I just responded in kind. We just stopped being clear about what we wanted and how we felt.”
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oh crap…Tina is going to flip!PPS
Is it jealousie, hurt or just want to torcher Bette more? She played a big part in their downfall. Yet Bette went out side to get relief. So Tina will blame her forever. thanks
yes what a place to stop… and i agree tina doesn’t really need all of the details… but hey at least they are talking… its better they they did on the show… if they at least talked on the show… all of us TIBETTERS’ WOULD BE VERY HAPPY
First, I agree with pandamel; TOO MUCH INFORMATION…why does Tina need hear all the dirty details and is she going to reciprocate with the nasties about Helena and Henry…and will they have HOT make up sex? Second, a friend and I did a marathon last weekend of watching season 1: Ishe is a white woman and I am biracial…I found it VERY interesting that she didn’t notice but I did that in the jail scenario, they separated the WHITE WOMEN from the BIRACIAL/AFRO-AMERICAN WOMEN and gave the reason that THEY (the afro-ammer/biracial women) were TOO DANGEROUS!!!!!! I congratulate L WORD forhighlighting ‘racism; however subtly: Third: my impression of the affair was Bette did not have to be in CINTROL like with in her life with Tina…it is easy to say BETTE wasn’t giving T enuff attention but central to BETTE’S LIFE at that time was the struggle to HOLD ONTO HER LIVLIHOOD FOR THEM…add to that the miscarriage/father troubles/lack of communication/when Bette reached out Tina took off or shut up/Tina being able to share all the good things with their friends/Bette’s focus on that shit Franklin!!!! I don’t blame either of them for the mess that eventuated…when pressure comes on, compounded by the trauma of illness and death…something has to give and in this case like so many other relationships they BROKE…now can they forgive and find each other again…whew, that was a rave, sorry!!! lmao
Two chapters in so little time, indeed ! Brava Arr ! Way to go ! You know, somehow I understand why Tina wants to know exactly what happened ( however morbid and masochistic it may appear ) and I’m sure it’s going to help Bette as well. In fact, I’m pretty sure that unconsciously Bette needed to come clean to Tina about what had really happened and she needed that for a long time in my opinion. Really, in the long run, I’m sure it’s going to make their relationship – or whatever it is they’re sharing right now – a lot “healthier”. At any rate, however excruciating this conversation may seem right now, I’m sure it’s going to be a great relief for them both to finally be able to talk about that ” taboo ” affair. But then again, it cannot get much worse at this point, can it ?… Oh, well of course it can, actually it did in the world according to Miss Chaiken. Anyway, Arr, as I was expecting, you’re doing a great job at “fixing” those two’s issues. I can see they’re already making huge progress. Yes, they’re finally communicating, which is a giant step for them. Please keep posting. I’m loving this story. Exactly the kind of drama I like.
Just a reminder that this story takes place prior to Josh and Henry–all we know about is Tina’s cybersex, and it makes sense that if Bette comes clean, then Tina will, too, with all the morbid details. But if she weren’t nudged to do so, would she? Mwahahahahaha!!!! ;-)
hey no fair ending the chapter there! great talk. I agree that Tina does not need every detail, but she would probably go crazy thinking about any holes in the story, so if she must I say Bette really does not have anything to loose by telling all right now. pps.
Great chapter glad Tina is finaly getting to talking with Bette about what happen…I think I would want to know everything too.
wow, tina really wants to know the details, scary…i hope it won’t get them two steps back
Wow…Bette is giving the blow by blow…I thought she would breeze thru some parts. “Did you cum Bette” wow is she trying to establish the extent of their connection to try to say Bette had stronger feelings for Candace? They have so much to talk about…all that time not communicating. Please post soon so we can see if Bette came…I think we all did when we saw that scene on the show but I just want to make sure she did…lol
Well damn. If they had only talked this openly in season 3 we would not be crying over their lost relationship.
I agree with Skycaptain. I think Tina is trying to establish the nature of Bette and Candace’s relationship. Was it purely a sex thing or much more? And I think by Bette talking about it, she herself will truely understand also. Thanks for the update Sweetie. PPS
I hope these painful, hesitating, vulnerable steps bring them closer.Thanks for your creative and meticulous approach and I hope you post again soon.
OMG! Your writing is just amazing babe! I’ve finally managed to catch up. Read it all tonight- yep- a gazillion years after I said I would! :-) Post soon! Lookng forward to the next one!
1st?
Well Arr, you certainly know where to stop a story? And ah…yes Tina Bette came….oh boy…this was an intense conversation..but seriously…does Tina REALLY want to hear THAT kind of details? egads! ok ok get back to posting!!
Maybe it’s my slaphappy mood because I got all of 2 hours of sleep, but that last sentence amuses me. It’s like, “Bette, if you didn’t cum, then it doesn’t count.” And I know that’s not the direction you’re taking us. Sadly my brain is fried so I can’t really comment on the talking. It just needed to be done, but way sooner than this.
Well did she? Either way Tina’s gonna freak. so PPS.
Ooo, I think Tina just asked for an answer that’s only going to make her more upset…
Thanks so much Arr, this story is so vivid and holds so much more in it than the one of IC. This is a perfect example of what a writer or a performer can accomplish….the play is never as good as the book. Normally the book comes first, in this case your addition to the play is beyond words. It shows us that once you stop talking to each other, it becomes more and more difficult to start with it again. All those little things unsaid grow and grow untill it’s one big mess which explodes in our own faces. I love your work and I’m honoured that you allow me to read it.
Oh shit Tina gonna blow. Drama keep coming. Ok let see whats next, thanks!