Fan Fiction
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First Year- Chapter 14/15
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I tried to rationalize and deny that I knew what she was talking about. I asked, “What’s wrong? You can’t go on like what?”
“I can’t go on like this. I can’t just be the toy you take off the shelf when you need to relieve your stress.”
I pleaded, “You are more than that. You know that.”
She stood up and walked across the room. “No, I don’t. I don’t know what I am to you.”
“Carmen, we said no strings, no regret. Why are you doing this? You know I am with Dylan. I have never lied to you or denied that.”
“No, you have never lied to me. I hear you say that, but I don’t understand it. You haven’t seen her for months. We’ve been together all that time. It’s just feel like the last two months has meant nothing to you.”
“That’s not true. The last two months has meant alot to me.”
“Has it? What has it meant?”
“Carmen, I thought we had an understanding. I thought everything was okay. Why the change? Why now.”
“I guess I realized I want more from you. What has the last two months meant to you?”
I couldn’t respond. I just didn’t have more to give her. Not at that time.
She asked me, “If I asked you to not go on your vacation with Dylan, would you?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“You know full and well why I am doing this?”
“Carmen everything is set. I can’t just call Dylan and tell her I am not coming. What do you expect me to you, just break up with her on the phone?”
She took awhile to answer but eventually asked, “Would you break up with her when you are there?”
I couldn’t answer. The separation and the workload had pushed us apart but I couldn’t just end three years of love and support. Not just like that. Not because I was having an affair. I had to be honest with Carmen. I choked up for my response, “I love her. Yes, the separation has been difficult but it hasn’t ended the love I feel for her.”
“Well, I love you and I need more from you. I understand you love her and you can’t give it to me. That’s why I can’t do this anymore. I need to end what’s going on between us. In case you are wondering again what I mean when I say ‘I love you’. It means, I don’t want to share you, because I love you. It means, I want to be with you, make love to you and take care of you, because I love you. It means, if I can’t have you fully and completely, I can’t be with you at all. I guess I have been lying to you and to myself about my ability to be your fuck buddy, but now that you are going to see Dylan again, I have to face the truth. I just don’t want to wait, bite my nails and wait for you to come back and tell me how great it was to see her and be with her, how much you love her and in a few weeks when you get horny and lonely, have you crawl back into my bed. I can’t be that for you anymore. I love you too much for that.”
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S, don’t know how you do it, but you can make me see what Helena remembers and I like that very much. Helena loved Carmen but she didn’t know how much and how, like a friend, lover, or the woman who completes her. I can understand because she was still with Dylan even though she was cheating on her. And to break up on the phone,email really sucks bigtime…lol. She was right to tell Carmen what she felt even though she would get hurt. Carmen fell into her own trap IMO, and Helena didnt see it, or just didnt want to becuase it would make her more guilty that she already felt. But I say later on as she recalls that she did indeed love Carmen but will it be too late or will she have found a real love later on? Great chapter once again S!
I am continually blown away by the authenticity of the story lines. I love the dialogue and the reading the characters thought processes. Real life can be interesting and dramatic.
I hope you’re not teasing me and my dirty mind. I could use a vacation with some hedonistic sex, but I’ll have to settle for fiction. Which is why I hope you’re not teasing me. And my dirty mind. Hmmm…Helena didn’t see that coming. Maybe when she grows up a little more (or maybe has a less stressed and busy life) she’ll be better equipped to pick up on these things. And when she grows up a little more she might realize that blaming Peggy for whatever might go down, even IF she arraigned the distant residencies, isn’t fair. Now on to some serious R and R in Parrot Cay! Don’t let me down.
Oh poor Carmen, she always seems to get the shity end of the deal, oh well she knew going in. I would have liked to have seen Helena get some kind of kuddos for her call on the woman who got to pee. It’s good to have faith in yourself but in a teaching enviorment, gee, maybe at least Tina could have said something. So, Parrot Cay, full staff, go girls, have fun, details Squirl, full details please. Thank you, Md aka Oma
Carmen did the right thing, even though it hurt them both to do it. Looking forward to the vacation & how things will go with Dylan.
With Helena’s libido in hibernation until Parrot Cay, I have a feeling her mind will become very active. By the time she reaches the Caribbean, her guilt level should be just above topping off. My hunch is Dylan is drinking again to cope with the stress of her residency and being away from Helena. Maybe the two will swap sins–so to speak–and once the dust settles, move forward. So if Dana isn’t able to recuperate, doesn’t the slot need to be filled by a new resident? Any chance Peggy (with Helena’s urging) would pull a few strings and allow Dylan the chance to come to L.A.? Hmmm…