Fan Fiction
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First Year- Chapter 14/15
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I was so torn and hurt but she was right. I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I couldn’t break up with Dylan so easily. Not like this, not over the phone. I missed Dylan. I was worried about her. I needed to see her. If it wasn’t there for me when I saw Dylan, if the love and magic wasn’t there, then I would end it. The separation was too much and the temptations here were too great. I knew since I failed my promise and so quickly, with Carmen, I might fail again with someone else.Iwouldn’t continue my relationship with Dylan if I didn’t feel I loved her anymore.
I hugged Carmen and she hung her head and cried as I held her. Silent tears ran down my face. After some time she pushed me away. We looked at each other then she turned her back to me. She asked me to go and I told her goodbye. I almost said ‘I love you’ but for me it was the good friend ‘I love you ‘. I didn’t see this conversation coming, but maybe if I was more sensitive and realistic I would have seen it. I knew I couldn’t give her what she wanted. Maybe if there was no Dylan I could have but at that moment I couldn’t. I understood why she ended it but it still hurt like hell. I did care for her. I just wasn’t ready to give her what she wanted.
I guess it was good she ended it before my trip. I wasn’t being fair to her or to Dylan. I didn’t speak to Carmen at all before my trip to Parrot Cay. It was so strange because she’d become such an important part of my life. I didn’t call her although I was often tempted. I respected her need to separate but I missed her terribly. I hoped she would call, even as a friend but she stayed away. I saw her occasionally in the hallways, in the cafeteria or at conferences but she kept her distance and simply smiled politely. I had lost my best friend. I suppose it was good that we stayed apart. I needed time to consider my relationship with Dylan and how viable it was. It just didn’t seem fair that we were in separate programs. I began to be angry again at mother, with the thought that she played a role in our separation. Although Dylan told me to let it go, I couldn’t. I needed to know the truth and understand how far my mother would go to control my life.
I looked forward to the vacation but with some fear and trepidation. I wondered if Dylan would detect my anxiety and guilt over my affair with Carmen. I debated if I would tell her about it and how I would bring it up. Vacation would start at the beginning of my month in the ER. It was so needed for me to get a break from the hard work and long hours. It would allow me to reassess my relationship and see if I was still in love. My vacation and the surprises of that month would be such a turning point in my life.
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S, don’t know how you do it, but you can make me see what Helena remembers and I like that very much. Helena loved Carmen but she didn’t know how much and how, like a friend, lover, or the woman who completes her. I can understand because she was still with Dylan even though she was cheating on her. And to break up on the phone,email really sucks bigtime…lol. She was right to tell Carmen what she felt even though she would get hurt. Carmen fell into her own trap IMO, and Helena didnt see it, or just didnt want to becuase it would make her more guilty that she already felt. But I say later on as she recalls that she did indeed love Carmen but will it be too late or will she have found a real love later on? Great chapter once again S!
I am continually blown away by the authenticity of the story lines. I love the dialogue and the reading the characters thought processes. Real life can be interesting and dramatic.
I hope you’re not teasing me and my dirty mind. I could use a vacation with some hedonistic sex, but I’ll have to settle for fiction. Which is why I hope you’re not teasing me. And my dirty mind. Hmmm…Helena didn’t see that coming. Maybe when she grows up a little more (or maybe has a less stressed and busy life) she’ll be better equipped to pick up on these things. And when she grows up a little more she might realize that blaming Peggy for whatever might go down, even IF she arraigned the distant residencies, isn’t fair. Now on to some serious R and R in Parrot Cay! Don’t let me down.
Oh poor Carmen, she always seems to get the shity end of the deal, oh well she knew going in. I would have liked to have seen Helena get some kind of kuddos for her call on the woman who got to pee. It’s good to have faith in yourself but in a teaching enviorment, gee, maybe at least Tina could have said something. So, Parrot Cay, full staff, go girls, have fun, details Squirl, full details please. Thank you, Md aka Oma
Carmen did the right thing, even though it hurt them both to do it. Looking forward to the vacation & how things will go with Dylan.
With Helena’s libido in hibernation until Parrot Cay, I have a feeling her mind will become very active. By the time she reaches the Caribbean, her guilt level should be just above topping off. My hunch is Dylan is drinking again to cope with the stress of her residency and being away from Helena. Maybe the two will swap sins–so to speak–and once the dust settles, move forward. So if Dana isn’t able to recuperate, doesn’t the slot need to be filled by a new resident? Any chance Peggy (with Helena’s urging) would pull a few strings and allow Dylan the chance to come to L.A.? Hmmm…