Tina

48 hours is a long time, a lot can happen in 48 hours. A lot has happened to me. It seems a long time since I left home. I hope Bette is here. I am nearly 5 months pregnant and I have been on two planes. One for 16 hours and the other for 2 hours. Now I am 4 hours into a 6 hour road trip. Plus transit time and LA traffic. I know I took a chance. What if Bette isnt here or has left. But what choice do I have, I know she doesnt plan to come home anytime soon. IF, and I mean if we can work this out, I dont want her to miss the last four months of the pregnancy, what could be one of the most exciting times in our life. My thoughts are interrupted when I ask the driver Are you sure this is the way, there isnt much out here ?. He tells me this is the way. I take his word for it, I have no choice. It is hot and I am tired. It is late, must be 11pm local time. I have had lots of time to think on the way here. I see why Bette may have come here. At first I think she would never come here, it is all wrong. But the more I look the less I see, that is why Bette came here. She came for the emptiness, the space, the beauty. She came here because she can find some type of peace here. Somehow it reflects where she is at. We may have our problems, like we are getting a divorce but I still know Bette. I know she isnt running, she is searching, searching for answers, searching for a way back to herself, may be even searching for a way to come home and deal with all that has happened, searching for a way to live in LA, near me but not with me. Is she trying to find her way back to me, if so, I dont get, how can she from here ? I have many things to say to Bette and I want to hear what she has to say too. Does she want this relationship anymore, is she really sorry, how does she think we got to this point, does she think we can put it back together ? I must have dozed off because the car stopped. I look around confused. Its dark but I can see because of the moon and stars, although it is a little overcast. I hear small gentle waves crashing, one after another. Bette is here, I can feel it. I thank the driver, I ask him the time, he tells me it is 1am. It is late, I feel bad for him, may be he has a wife to get home too. I tip him generously, he smiles and thanks me and gives the tip back, politely explaining that it is neither their custom or the companys policy to accept tips. He helps me with my bags anyway. I thank him and leave the bags at the back of the house. Well, its the back if you face the beach but the front I guess if come from the road. I remind myself of why I came. I will not lie, I am still angry with Bette, but there are things that we must sort out. There are no lights on in the house, Bette must be asleep. I have come along way and I am exhausted. Now I have some decisions to make. I take a deep breathe. I cannot sleep out here, so I guess I will knock on the door. First I decide to look around. There is dead silence, Bette is here to be alone with her thoughts. I walk through the rough long grass, it is dry. I suspect its a hot summer here. Its slightly overcast but I can still see the stars. I reach the front of the house overlooking the beach. I look out to the ocean, the dark enormous expanse of water, I look up and see the moon, almost full. I can feel Bette. *****, is she standing behind me ? Then I see her, she is not in bed. She is sitting on the beach, on a rug, with the breeze gently sifting through her hair. She has a glass of wine I think. She seems to have her knees up to her chest. Maybe she is crying. I start making my way down there, causing Bette to turn around, because of the noise, she looks but seems unconcerned and doesnt see me. She must feel safe here. She turns back to the water. I came a long way and I waste no time, the second I am behind her, I say it.
Bette ?

Bette

The last 48 hours I havent done much. I slept a lot. The reality is setting in that Tina will not be in my life. It is harder than I thought. I realize that I cannot handle anything as I once thought. How arrogant. I know because I fucked a lot of things up. This night while I think about it, it is warm night, a gentle slow breeze sifts through my hair, which is down. I have moved back out onto the blanket, away form the steps of the house. It is slightly overcast tonight but the moon is almost full and there are still many stars. I can see the saucepan in the sky. I love those small waves, one after the other, crashing. I splashed out and bought a good unwooded chardonnay. They are plenty full here the wines, so I took my time choosing. This was a good choice because it is fruity and light, slightly grassy, I chilled it but not too cold. Suddenly the sadness sets in, I think I would have spent a night like this with Tina by the pool, a nice glass of wine. Its one of those nights where I think I smell her perfume, its the breeze that does that. I let out a sigh. In my head the conversation continues as I stare out at the sea.
Bette ? My head spins around, oh my god is all I can think.