I admit I am angry at her too, very angry but who wants to hear that ? She shut me out after the miscarriage, I didnt feel like I was wanted or needed, I should have spoken. I am angry now she will not let me make this right but honestly if I had the chance how would I make it right ? Can I take the pain away ? No, I cant. I am such an idiot, a fool. I love that woman. I wrote the letter and I know she will not see through it, the only tell tale sign is the occasional smudge but Tina knows me well enough to know I would shed a tear or two when writing it, really who wouldnt ? I am just trying to the right thing, al be it too late. I am angry too she went to a lawyer, she only had to say what she wanted, its hers. My only condition is she takes my ring, the ring because it has no start and no ending, it encloses everything. I no longer wish to be reminded of it, take it, I had it, it serves only to remind me of what I lost. I was too selfish, I asked too much. A lawyer, what does she think I am ? Does she think I would deny her and the child ? Why am I so angry with Tina ? But that is nothing on Tina hating me. Not again, I had that same pain in my chest, the bile seeping up at the thought she hates me.

My headache has cleared but my heart still hurts. I will make no attempt to win Tina back, what would be the point, its not what she wants. The house is so empty, maybe I will move. I hope she reads the letter an understands I am just trying to do what is best for both of them. The baby, how could she let me find out a second time from someone else. *****. Its late in the afternoon and my rant is over, I can throw my letter away, it is only to myself, who could I say these things too ? Everyone thinks I am a monster. I just keep saying whats expected of me, to the few who will listen. When will I feel better ? Just a little human ? Just a little alive ? How will I move forward and do what is best for her. I deserve what I get.

Bette places the letter on the table and heads for the shower.