Tina : I stood in the doorway watching Bette, if she knew I was there she didnt seem to care. I could see her and smell her. Shed just gotten out of the shower and gone into the bedroom to get dressed. Her smelling like that reminded me of home, home in LA, our house. It seemed so long since wed been there, together and happy. I just watched Bette, she had just thrown on some clothes but as always looked stunning. She pulled out a box from under the bed and sat on the end of the bed, felt through the foam in the box and pulled out the most delicate, sweetest mobile. Something Bette would have chosen herself. I felt like I was intruding but I was drawn to watching her and the multitude of emotions that crossed her face. I wondered what it was that was so special about this mobile that it would move Bette so much, someone who does not freely express her emotions, someone who thinks feeling sad or expressing sadness or vulnerability makes her weak. If only Bette had expressed any of those things maybe we wouldnt be here now. I caught myself, that wasnt fair, we both did things or not did things as it maybe. And there is no point playing the what if game, you cant win. Bette pulled the mobile out and held it front of her, she smiled.

Maybe it was the first time I had seen genuine happiness and content ness from Bette in a very long time. But then her expression changed to grief and sorrow and eventually to relief and joy. It seemed like forever I stood there watching this woman I loved so much. Does she know that, really know that, how much I love and admire her ? Have I let her know that ? Suddenly I felt like I didnt know Bette or was it just that there were things I didnt know about Bette ? What other things didnt I know ? Something that was clearly so significant to her she had not mentioned to me at all. How would she feel about me standing in the doorway watching tears of joy, content ness and relief stream down her face ?

Tina : ever so quietly I walked in and enquired Bette, Bette ? as I reached out to her. She seemed startled. Still holding the mobile in one hand she quickly wiped away the tears with her other hand. She instinctively turned away. Bettes face could always convey so much emotion, it always said more than her words.
Bette : Tee how long have you been there ?. I sat on the end of the bed still looking at the mobile.
Tina : Long enough to know this (as I point) is very important to you.
Bette : Tee, come sit with me, there is something I want to tell you.
Tina : I sit next to Bette. This was not the reaction I expected, to just invite me in. I wait but I do not have to wait long.
Bette : Tee I chose this for the baby, awhile back, when I was in LA. When I bought it Tee, I still didnt know if I would have a role in the babys life. I bought this particular one because it is delicate, beautiful and one of a kind
Tina : Oh Bette I hold her hand.
Bette : I bought it because I needed to feel hope and close to you and the baby. I knew you would like it Tee.
Tina : Bette, you always had good taste, its beautiful. Im sorry that you .. The sun shone through the window and reflected off the coloured glass of the mobile. Bette cut me off.
Bette : Tee when I opened the box at home I was just playing the message you left about me having a role in the babys life. I was so, so (looking for the right words) relieved and hopeful. When you didnt tell me about the baby I thought you must hate me, but this came to represent hope. I said the exact same words, I think she will like this. I couldn’t bring myself to leave it at home. It’s the only thing from the house I bought.
Tina : Oh Bette, baby. This was a new Bette, one willing to share her feelings, her self. Bette put the mobile down and turned to face me
Bette : Tee, I have something to confess. Tee, I am different, well the same but some things about me are different. I am scared Tee, of what happens when we get home, what happens if we dont work out, that I wont be part of the babys life. I know we need to make changes but I’m scared to do that, what if I cant do that Tee, what if I cannot be the wife, the parent, the person you need me to be ?
Tina : Baby, you have no idea how perfect you are right now. I reached out and pulled Bette into my arms. All that needs to happen when we get home is we keep the lines of communication open. Now we were both crying but they were happy tears.
Bette : Tee, will you make me a promise ? That if things are not going well, you wont just pull back and be passive aggressive, that you will tell me, so we can get it right ?
Tina : I promise baby. I could see the sun setting. Hey, do you still want to take me to this great spot you know, we better get going huh ?
Bette : I do want to take you there Tee.
Tina : Bette, can I ask you something, what did you have planned for tonight ?. But she just shook her head mischievously, what ever it was it was going to stay her secret.

I made some dinner for us, maybe Bette thought I didnt notice that she loved it when I cooked. We packed it in a picnic basket which Bette offered to carry, saying we were not going far. We walked along the beach and over some small rocks. Bette led us to a secluded cave and beach. I wondered how Bette knew all these spots, that was one thing she had yet to tell me. The beach was small but the sand the whitest sand I had ever seen. Bette showed me where to find razor fish. They come in a hard shell and look like a triangle turned upside down but the bottom isnt flat, its curved. Thats why they are called razor because if you step on them they are razor sharp. And it is easy to steps on them because they are buried in the sand in the shallows, you can’t see them unless you know what to look for and when you try to pull them out they suck down and resist. We laughed because Bette almost fell over trying to pull one out. So much for the hunter gatherer ! I didnt know why they were called fish because they dont look like fish. You have to break the hard shell. Bette showed me how to do it, you hold it flat by the bottom and hit it with a rock. Then there is the smallest sweetest piece of white meat. Bette made a small fire and we cooked them in the fire in the cave, which offered us some shelter from the breeze. We sat on the rug and looked out to the ocean, holding onto each other watching the sun slowly set. We ate the food we bought with us, fed each other. God, I missed this, it felt so right.
Tina : Bette, I think the thing about the mobile is beautiful. I am sorry you felt so lonely.
Bette : I bought much of the loneliness on myself Tee.
Tina : Bette did you feel so alone here ?.
Bette : yes and no
I conceded Bette was not at this time going to say more to me about this place or if she felt lonely. I poured us a coffee pulled out the cheesecake that Bette had bought back with her.
Tina : Oh looks great. Wow !
Bette : Here, let me. Bette bought the piece of cheesecake up to my mouth and looked into my eyes, for the first time since Id been here I saw the old Bette. The Bette I knew when we first met, loving, caring, attentive, she make me feel like there was only us in the world, like I was the only important person in the world.
Tina : Bette, will you make love to me ?