***

“Earth to earth, ashes to ashes”….Shane looked at the priest and then over at the coffin. “Why the ***** did you leave Clive…?” Shane whispered as she fumbeled with the white rose in her hand. She knew why. Ofcourse she knew the why. Getting away was the only way. To escape those feelings. And the lonelyness. All they had been trough together was spinning around in Shanes mind. She pictured Clive walking on the beach a hot summer day, turning around and smile at her. That was some months before the living nightmare started. She pictured Clive the first time he sold himself. “It`s ok Shane, it will get us money” he had told her as he ran down the street. “*****…we were just kids” Shane said, crying silent, looking at the coffin. She pictured him in Milk`s backyard. How his eyes would disappear when the drugs hit him. She remembered how helpless she felt everytime, and how she coulden`t help him. How she thought she coulden`t help herself either. He was already to addicted.
She felt a hole inside her. Emptyness. Did he know how much she missed him? God, how she wanted to tell him that she missed him. She watched his family cry. Even Clives father where crying. A lot. His mother were red in her eyes, just like Clive, that day on the beach.
Shane coulden`t belive that he was gone. It was so surreal, and it made Shane sick that she was the one that got out of it. It might as well be her laying in that coffin. Why did she deserve a better life? She had Helen, she had a job, she had people around her who loved her. What did Clive got? NOTHING. Just the ***** drugs. But then he dies, and his family suddanly understands what they have lost. So un-*****-greatful they had been. Feeling ashamed over their ***** son until the day he dies. Clive deserved better.
It felt horrible when they lowered the coffin and buried it. She cried, loud now. She showed everyone how much she loved him, and she knew what the others where thinking. that she had been the only one who took care of him. She could see Clives parents humbleness as they walked away from the fresh grave. Shane nodded and smiled at them as they went.
It was all quiet when the others where out of sight. Shane walked over to the grave. She kneeled down infront of it, and picked up a sheet from her pocket. Quietly she started to read with a shaking voice:

“Uhm…I want to say a few words, cause I think you deserve it.” Shane took a deep breath. “I consider you as my brother, and I love you. You were uniq.You are uniq. Eventhough we had a few fights now and then, we shared something really special. You`re parents are proud of you, though they might not show it to you as much as they should have. They love you. I don`t know what to say Clive, cause this is very hard for me. So…I`m gonna give you this white rose, and…” Shane began to untie her converse shoes. “…and my shoes. I want you to have them. It symbolises our friendship.” She sat them beside his grave. “I know you`re soul isen`t dead Clive. You might not be here anymore, but you`re only gotten into a place where you no longer need this worlds poor protection. We fought to live, then you fought to die, to get you`re freedom. I guess we found our own different ways, hu?.” Shane laughed a little, but in pure sorrow. “Though I`m standing at you`re grave, I still admire you more than you`ll ever know. Thanks for you`re fight, thanks for you`re life and for all that you gave me. May you rest in peace Clive. I love you”

She started walking away from the grave, and walked out of the cemetary. Clives mother came over to her and took her hand. She peeked down at Shanes bare feet without making any expression. “Thank you” she said, and she coulden`t help but cry. Shane hugged her. “Clive knew you loved him. He knew.” Shane let go of her, and walked away, not looking back.

I would rather not go, back to the old house
There`s to many bad memories, too many memories there…
When you cycled by, here began all my dreams,
the saddest thing I`ve ever seen
And you`ll never knew how much they really liked you,
cause they never even told you, Oh they meant to
Are you still there? Or have you moved away?

I would love to go, back to the old house
But I never will, I never will…

The smiths-back to the old house
(With a little twist)