“What!” Shane yelled

“Bette you could have never made things work with Justin, first of all you’re a lesbian, what you were thinking when you slept with him is beyond me the only thing I could think of was you must have been really, really drunk my friend” Shane laughed

“I was” Bette said

“Secondly, you didn’t love him, no way… we all knew it, you married him for all the wrong reasons, the baby, your dad, your career. I know you were under a lot of pressure you made the wrong choices.”

“Third and lastly, you love Tina, you will always love Tina. Kit told me about what happen on your wedding day, and I think the fact that you let her walk away, would have always been a reason to resent Justin, deep down you blamed Justin for hurting Tina, you would have never been happy with him never.”

Bette nodded

“How’d you get so smart” Bette asked

“I chalk it up to life experience” Shane smiled

Bette took a deep breath.

“That last day before he left I told him I hated him for the way I hurt Tina, for the way we hurt Tina, when in fact it was all my doing, but I needed to blame somebody so bad, I blamed him.”

“Looking back everything was wrong with us the marriage our working so many hours, avoiding each other at all cost I think we both felt guilty for hurting Tina the way we did, when I lost him,…” Bette paused as a tear ran down her face, she cleared her throat.

“When our divorce was final he actually accused me of being happy for losing our son, he thought I would immediately go find Tina and beg her to take me back”

“Little did he know, the baby was the only thing keeping me together, keeping me from dying inside, giving me the only reason to go on living and waking up every morning. After the miscarriage I went back to work in a matter of days never gave myself time to grieve, but at that time working was the only thing I could do to keep myself from going crazy”

Bette paused

“You asked me why? In The car you asked me why I did this to myself,”

Shane nodded.

“I can’t come here after work and be alone all I do is think about her, how I fucked things up so I drink, I smoke and I take random girls home so I can forget for a few hours how royally fucked up my life is”

“You must think I’m a horrible person” Bette said

Shane shook her head no

“I don’t, you have a huge heart, like you said you were in a dark place, confused.”

They sat there in silence.

‘Don’t tell Kit about the smoking” Bette joked

Shane laughed

“I won’t I promise”

“She did look hot? Huh?” Bette said as she tapped her shoulder with Shane’s

 “Who? Tina, or the model?” Shane asked

“Tina, of course!” Bette laughed

“Yeah she looked good” Shane admitted

“I miss her” Bette softly said

“I’m sure she misses you too”

“You really think so?” Bette smiled

“Yeah I do” Shane smiled back.

They were quiet for a while again.

“I want to talk to her” Bette said so softly Shane had to strain just to hear.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do at least to apologize, I never apologized”

“Might be what you need to be able to move on” Shane said

“Maybe” Bette replied

Silence….            

“Maybe I don’t want to move on” Bette said

Shane smiled