”Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face
And it’s been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste”

Flashback

Still in New York, still when Carmen was so rude and unpredictable and, sometimes, even terrible.
But gorgeous.
Ah, so gorgeous before Shane’s eyes as she was finally observing her spinning and making the crowd dance.
It was their second night out together.
The night before, Shane had spent hours trying to find a place where she could observe Carmen without being noticed.
She didn’t know why, but she didn’t like the glances Carmen gave her when their eyes met.
It was that “what are you looking at” gaze and Shane, immediately, lowered her head pretending to be searching something on the ground.
Anyway, she trained herself to show much more self-esteem and tonight, finally, she was staring at her intently.
“Fuck it”, she thought.
“Be mad at me. I am here to watch you, and I am watching you. Alright. I am cool. I can do that”.
Suddenly, Carmen raised her eyes and, meeting her eyes, smiled.
Caught off guard, Shane smiled back immediately.
The show was finally over, the music was fading in the background and the crowd was slowly scattering.
Shane slowly headed towards the DJ area.
Carmen put her hands on her hips.
“So? What do you think?”, she asked, raising her eyebrow.
Shane smiled.
“I think you’re hot!”.
Carmen gasped, surprised.
“I meant… What do you think of my new show…”.
Shane shrugged.
“Sorry. I have a syndrome”. She cleared her voice. “I think your show was great”.
Carmen chuckled.
“I am asking to myself if you were really listening to the songs, or trying hard not to get hit right in front of me”.
Shane laughed.
“Carmen, why are you so mean? You clearly saw that nobody was hitting on me”.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever…”, Carmen muttered amused, pushing some unknown buttons on the mixer.
“Carm… considering that you are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and even possess a certain sweetness…even if not now… could you please not beat to a pulp every miserable bastard that comes your way simply because you can? Could you not do that? The miserable bastard would be me”, Shane said in a flat tone.
Carmen tried hard not to smile.
“Okay”, she simply answered.
She looked up, noticing the shit eating grin on Shane’s face.
“You know what?”, she asked, half-smiling.
“What?”.
“Your Peter Pan complex is so Nineties…”. She shook her head.
“Gee… What Peter Pan complex?”, Shane replied.
Carmen chuckled.
“The one you’re so proud of”, she elaborated.
Shane pondered her words for a while.
“Did you make any new friends, recently, with that loving attitude of yours?”, she asked then, teasing.
Carmen shook her head, still engrossed in her equipment.
“I don’t have much time for friends”.
“See? That’s because of your Captain Hook complex”.
Carmen tilted her head, looking annoyed, as a tickling laughter back in her throat was immediately repressed.
“Come on… Help me with my stuff”.
Shane gasped and pressed her hand against her chest.
“You’re asking me for help!”, she exclaimed.
“It wouldn’t appear that way, wouldn’t it?”, Carmen muttered.
Shane smiled widely.
“I will gladly agree if you say: Shane, please, be my knight in shining armor”.
“Shane, don’t be a shit-head…”, Carmen threw Shane her car keys, “…Go pick up my car…”.
Shane smirked.
“This is hard for you, isn’t it?”.
She walked away, towards the entrance, not waiting for Carmen’s answer, feeling well, feeling great. The old magic was still there.
They acted like they were friends, but a bit of the old magic was still definitely there, in that teasing, in that joking, in those gibes.
I am so whipped, Shane thought.

”It’s been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it’s been a while since I said I’m sorry…”**

Shane stopped in front of Carmen’s room, and waited for her to put the key in the lock.
“Okay…”, Carmen sighed turning towards her.
Shane smiled a little.
“Okay…”, she echoed, shoving her hands into her pockets.
“I really hope you had fun tonight”, Carmen murmured, watching her straight in the eyes.
Shane stared at her.
“I did…You are a great DJ…”.
“I am glad you came with me…”.
“I am glad you invited me…”.
Carmen clapped her hands together.
“Alright, I am gonna go”, and she motioned towards the door knob.
“Hey Carm…”, Shane said quietly.
“Yeah…”, she answered exhaling.
Shane swallowed.
“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”.
“You won’t kiss me”, Carmen stated, half-smiling.
“I know, but what would you do if I did?”.
Carmen looked puzzled for a second.
“You want to kiss me right now?”.
“I wouldn’t have mentioned if I didn’t”, Shane shrugged.
They stared at each other intensively.
“Ok then. Kiss me”, Carmen said then, her tone saying more “dare to kiss me”.
A ghost of a smile appeared on Shane’s face.
She lent in and placed the whisper of a kiss on Carmen’s forehead.
Then, she silently headed towards her own room.

End Flashback

**
SOUNDTRACK:
* “Into My Arms” (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds)
** “It’s Been A While” (Staind)