Carmen, who doesn’t break eye-contact with Shane and heads towards her without notice.
Carmen, who walks across the crowd and seems Moses dividing the Red Sea at his passage.
Carmen, who is now right in front of Shane.
Her hands caress her tie, her black jacket. They stop on the collar of her white shirt. They brush Shane’s collarbone through the smooth fabric.
It’s like she’s touching her for the very first time. She’s like a blind woman reading her with her fingertips.
Her brown eyes are, right in this moment, deep and soulful as Shane knew them.
Shane, who feels her blood boil and pump through her veins, going straight to her head.
Shane, who doesn’t dare to move, and is still leaning against the bar.
Shane, who only closes her eyes as Carmen kisses her.
Slowly, but without any hesitation.
Her hands cup her face as she parts her lips and meets Shane’s tongue halfway.

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World…”*

They kiss like they’re alone.
They kiss like it’s the first time.
They kiss like it’s the last time.
Slowly deeply slowly deeply.
Shane’s hands on Carmen’s back.
Carmen’s fingers running through Shane’s hair.
Shane’s eyebrows furrowing as her heart starts beating faster, faster.
Carmen’s nails gently scraping Shane’s neck.
They pull away, Shane’s hands on Carmen’s hips and Carmen’s arms around Shane’s neck.
“Can you feel this, Carm…?”.
Husky, husky low voice.
No answer.
“…This closeness…This magic…”.
Carmen’s lips on her lips, once more.
And the dance starts again.
Shane takes Carmen’s hand and slowly heads through the exit.
In the cab, they don’t speak.
They just hold hands.

**

”Sometimes what you say
Confuses what you mean
A mouth of strangled words
Come spinning out your mouth
Nothing’s like the dream
Forget the words I say
Just let them hit the ground
As long as we can
Tear down these houses
Tear down these houses…”

In the darkness of Carmen’s bedroom, they stare at each other not saying anything.
Carmen pulls out Shane’s jacket, unfastens her tie, unbuttons her shirt, unbuckles her belt, unzips her jeans.
Religiously.
Devotedly.
Painfully.
Shane’s arms hanging along her sides, eyes staring at every Carmen’s move.
She doesn’t dare to talk.
She doesn’t even dare to think.
And if that’s a dream, she doesn’t dare to wake up and stop it.
Carmen starts kissing the naked skin of her collarbone, of her neck, of her flat stomach, of her breasts, of her shoulders.
Shane swallows and feels like crying.
She starts undressing her, and every inch of exposed skin is blessed with a kiss.
They find themselves naked in bed, legs entwining, arms wrapping, hands touching, lips kissing, tongues tasting, teeth nibbling.
Unhurriedly.
Sweetly.
Gently.
Slowly.
This is not fucking, Shane thinks.
We are making love.
Sighs and almost inaudible moans and a light panting.
Shane’s fingers run across Carmen’s stomach and there it is.
A long, diagonal scar.
“Carmen…”, she pants, “What’s this…?”.
Carmen’s hands grab her face, forcing her to look her straight in the eyes.
“Please…Please Shane…”, she begs, whispering.
Shane closes her mouth and just stares at her.
“I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow… I don’t know what this night means for me… Or for you…”, she murmurs.
“…Everything…”, Shane says, sadly.
“…Let’s not waste it…”, she breathes on Shane’s lips.
Shane holds back her tears and kiss her, squeezing her eyes.

”You can run away
While I protect the way I am
There’s comfort in the pain
Ripping through my heart
That kicks you when you’re land
Stand down on your demons
‘Cause no one wins this war
You’ve sharpened your weapon
For another useless cause
There’ll be no survivors
As long as we can tear down these houses
Tear down these houses…”

She takes her with all of her love, all of her longing, all of her desperate will to go on, no matter what, as if her warm embrace can heal every wound Carmen is hiding.
She kisses every inch of her skin.
She touches every inch of her body.
She turns her on her back and her lips run along her spine, on the nape of her neck.
Carmen sobs silently in the pillow.

”What have you done to me
And what have I done to you
Facing each other to the death
No other soul to witness this
A mass of strangled words
Come spinning out your mouth
It’s nothing like a dream
Nothing like a dream
It’s nothing like a dream
Nothing like a dream”**

“I am in love with you Carmen…”, Shane sniffs, turning her around again and sinking into her eyes.
“You make me feel like I can be a better person…”.
Carmen’s fingers brushing her jaw, her cheekbones.
“You are a good person, Shane…”.
“Don’t cry…”, Shane grimaces, “…Please don’t cry”.
“…Kiss me…The last time I made love, it was with you”.
Shane doesn’t say anything.
She just kisses her, grinding slowly where Carmen wants to feel her, and then running all over her body with her lips, stopping where she’s warmer, where she’s wetter, where she is more vulnerable and as vulnerability is the only thing left.
Carmen’s body arches, her hands pushing Shane’s head down.
She moans but it’s almost inaudible.
Shane misses her moans. She misses everything about her.
When Carmen finally comes, a single tear rolls along Shane’s cheek as she shivers.

**

SOUNDTRACK:
* “Mad World” (Gary Jules – From “Donnie Darko” OST)
** “Tear Down These Houses” (Skin)