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Hindsight – Chapter 5
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Hindsight – Chapter 5
Main Entry: hindsight
Pronunciation: ‘hIn(d)-"sIt
Function: noun
Meaning: understanding the nature of an event after it has happened
"Hindsight is always better than foresight"
I sat across the table from her, listening to her words, taking in her words, her words of how she was shocked to see me, not half as I was to see them, I wonder if it tore through her as it had done to me, if it had literally taken her to the edge of her existence.
I seemed to be in a different place sitting here now, the last twelve hours had brought me back, but at this single moment in time I didn’t really know what I had been brought back from and back to, such was the myriad of thoughts and feelings that were swirling around my mind.
Angelica walked toward us, carrying the toys she had found in her bedroom, the toys that she had played with when she had lived here… she stood beside me and held up her hands as her request to sit on my lap. God how I had missed that simple gesture of her wanting to be held, it made me feel wanted… and that is something I hadn’t felt in a long time…, to be wanted… in any shape or form, for someone to want me, for anything, yeah people at work wanted me, they wanted my fucking advice about a piece of art, or wanted my opinion on a certain artistic design, but to have somebody want me for just me, just to hold them close or even just because… it had been too long, and now this child, my daughter wanted to sit on my lap, just because…
It did two things to me, it broke my heart that I had been missing this, for nearly eight long weeks I had been missing the feel of her against me, the smell of her, the feel of her soft curls against my cheek, those little fingers clasping my hands, those eyes boring into mine with such unconditional love, and her smile, that toothy grin…, that little gummy smile that pulled the shards of my broken heart and began the slow process of feeling once again, it made me hope, if filled me with a sense of overwhelming hope that I would again be a part of her life, as she would always be a part of mine.
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Why is it that we always want them to beat all odds, to reunite, to somehow do what so many others cannot??? Why? I think that if IC hadn’t battered them as she had, hadn’t treated the characters with such disrespect that we wouldn’t feel so violent towards them..Another wonderful, heart breaking chapter, and thankyou for posting so soon, it helps, it really does. Thanks!!
My heart is getting bruised, you really are a wonderfull storyteller. Thanks.
Jo…words can’t possibly express how much this fic moves me. The way you are able to convey the emotions in both of these confused women is amazing. This fic continues to leave me in a constant flux of emotions and i always end up choked up by the end of one of your posts. Thank you so much for sharing you’re exquiste gift.
It’s hard to find the words to tell you how moved I am by this story. It is absolutely amazing. The emotion so raw, so palpable. Surely with the depth of love these two have for each other – and I do believe the love is there within Tina too – that they can find a way back to each other.
god i feel such gut wrenching pain reading your chapters, what a hell of a talent you have woman!!!!!
Awsome chapter!
You are so talented. I hope this pain has never been in your life and that you’re writing from your imagination. I don’t know if it is realistic to expect them to reunite but I would love it. How they got to this point is incomprehensible.
Uh….if the emotions run so deep between these two, what’s Tina doing with Henry? Oh yeah, feelings. Very deep feelings.
Funnyone…Sometimes you can be so in love with a person that it knocks you off balance you do things that you can’t explain. Is it healthy? No…..but you can try to get a grip on the feelings and I hope they try. Tina lost herself in Bette and when Bette got off track Tina lost her way…it’s like driving a car and something coming in your path and you swerve to miss and try to overcorrect to get back…it’s possible to straighten up again.
Sometimes when someone makes a mistake, they have no clue how to come back and fix the mess that they have created. They feel unworthy of that other person’s love and are afraid of hurting them worse. I feel that Tina wants desperately to come back but feels unworthy of Bette’s love or feelings. She knows she fucked up but can not take that step to fix it. It was the shock of seeing Bette in the parking lot that sent her into action. If she did not care at all about Bette she would not be showing Angelica pictures or talking to her every night about Bette. Tina has lost her way and knows in her heart that Bette is her light but because she messed up so badly she has stayed away. Bette can never turn her back on Tina even though she was hurt beyond anything else in this world. She knows that Tina completes her and without Tina and Angelica she is nothing. That is why she has given up on her life. By holding Angelica she has the will to live again and begin to pick up the pieces. Some people regardless of how badly they have been hurt can not seem to walk away from the one person that hurts them the most. Tina is that person for Bette. Now it is up to Tina to finally come to terms with her messed up life and repair her family even if they never share a bed again. Jo, this story has brought so many emotions to the surface yet it is also a healing mechanism for me. Thanks.
i love the idea of both of their opinions…this is really emotional and intense, they have so much to talk about but at least they made the first step
Damn thats sad. Tina better not hurt Bette and keep her word or I’m gonna kick her ass for hurting my Bette lol. Well hope Tina will dump henrydick and come back to Bette and they will work thing out and be a family again. OK post soon please, thanks!
Finally,they cry together.Gosh, how is it that one writer commends such emotional response for the reader? I can actually see this on the show Job. Saddens me that both are soo obviously in soo much pain. But let the healing begin. Let the good times roll. Let us get a happy ending,free of sadness and pain. You’re the real deal Job. You’re it. PPS.
That was amazing, and there was a little shard of light for them both. I wonder what the long term hold for them both though.
Hey,Well its so good to see a positive light at the end of the tunnel for them!…Its ok that the chapters are short..sort chapters of anything sad is about all i can take!…lol…Good stuff!
Wow, intense and so well done.
you are an amazing writer Jo….this was quite the wake up call for today…..i love this fic and cannot wait to see where it goes from here….u have alot of options by opening the way you did….thank you…..and post again soon…….
Nothin’ can come close to being an actual witness to the pain you’ve instigated. Life altering moment for them both. Emotional!
for some reason I believe Tina.She has seen what has happen to Bette without Angie in her life. thanks
Tina still makes me sick but I am glad that she is making things right again. Two broken women, so sad! As I have already refused to connect this story to your previous one, I am very curious as to how they ended up like this. Did Bette still have an affair?Although it would be interesting if in this story she did not. Tina with Helena? Keeping the preganancy a secret? Let me know! Post soon!
Amazing chapter!. Tina is right she should never forgive herself.
I can understand the need for overlapping. Not everyone sees the same things at the same time.
Wow…so emotional. I am glad they were able to provide each other some comfort. I hope they can move forward from this…I want to see them back together eventually…but right now they need to be friends again before lovers. GET RID OF HENRY!
That’s a promise Tina better well keep. I think if she keeps Angie from her, it’ll literally kill Bette. Good stuff, Jo.
The best chapter yet….BRILLIANT!!!! I love the overlap idea, that give us a chance to see things from both sides. More please….
Amazing! Tina should now realise that her life and her daughters’ belong with Bette and Bette only!
Jo…you always amaze me! I love how you are writing this story..even if you are killing me. Thank you so much.
good lord, how do you make each chapter more intense than the last. i really, really, really hope these people figure out some way to heal. thanks so much for this incredible story.
WOW!!! So intense and writen so well. I hope they both find peace. Thanks JO