Bette: I hate myself.

Shane: Why.

Bette: Because I acted in a way that is different from whom I think I am.

Shane: You mean different from your ideal self.

Bette: Yes.

Shane: Is this the first time you’ve felt this way.

Bette: No, I feel this way all the time. I never live up to my expectations.

Shane: You understand that the essence of the ideal is that it is unobtainable, that it is impossible. So you are setting yourself up for failure.

Bette: Even when I’m somewhat pleased with something, I still feel that it could have been done better.

Shane: So you never can relax and get enjoyment out of your efforts.

Bette: No…..

Shane: So this confident, self assured persona is a facade.

Bette: Yes…

Shane: And do you worry that people will see through that facade.

Bette: All the time.

Shane: That is a pretty anxious space to exist in.

Bette: Yes…very

Shane: Makes it pretty hard to relax and be your genuine self.

Bette: Yes.

Shane: So this perfection…this ideal…it kind of is a self torture.

Bette: In a way..yeah…there never seems to be an end to the self-nagging, self-castigating, it hides under the mask of self-improvement but it never works.

Shane: So, when you mess up, you really want to beat yourself up.

Bette: I’ve really messed up this time.

Shane: So, how does it feel.

Bette: I hate myself.

Shane: Do you think you could ever forgive yourself?

Bette: I can’t imagine Tina ever forgiving me.

Shane: That is not what I asked. Do you think you could ever forgive yourself?

Bette: I’m not very good at that.

Shane: And why is that?

Bette: Because, I should know better. I’m a highly educated person with lots of advantages and I shouldn’t be making mistakes.

Shane: (thinking that that sounded a ***** of a lot like what Melvin would say)..So, you don’t think that you should make mistakes.

Bette: Well…no…not really.

Shane: You think you should be perfect.

Bette: Well…in a way….yes…no…I mean I shouldn’t make mistakes.

Shane: But perfection is an ideal that can’t be reached.

Bette: I know, you say that…but it has to be a goal.

Shane: Sure, we all strive to be our best selves…but we don’t really expect it…you. Ms. Porter actually expects it.

Bette: Well, I don’t expect to fail.

Shane: Ah, so you are the most upset that you might have failed in this relationship..

Bette: Oh God, no…it is so much more than that….Oh God, yes…I mean I hate to feel that I failed…Oh God…you don’t think that that is what Tina feels….that I only care about ‘not failing’..

Shane: do yo think that is what Tina might be feeling.

Bette: Well, Tina knows I hate not to ‘win’…to not get what I want….to not succeed….if she thinks that I only care about how it appears…that I might be tryng to get her back only for appearances sake…that would be so hurtful for her to not know how much I love her, for her to think that I only care about how it looks.

Shane: Well, the fact that you can even imagine Tina feeling that way is pretty telling.

Bette: I need to think about this…

Shane: You think. I’m going to scramble some eggs. You’ll need somne nourishment. It’s going to be long night.