Shane: I brought some food


Tina: ThanksIm not very hungry.but Ill try

Shane: how was the rest of your day.

Tina: well.just kind of sleepingthinking.Bette keeps calling..I cant talk yet..I am so confused

Shane: ok

Tina: I am so hurt.I am having a hard time breathing.I feel like that song line it only hurts when I breathe..I just cant believe that Bette did this..I dont know why..and I dont know how to deal with it

Shane: you said that you love her

Tina: yes, I do .and that is why I am confused.I dont want to feel this way.

Shane: ok, well.why do you love hermaybe instead of dwelling on only these bad thingsmaybe you need to spend equal time remembering why you love her..what is it about Bette that you love..what is her core..we already talked about how difficult she can be.what is the lovable part.

Tina: thats easy.Bette has the most generous spirit of anyone I have ever met

Shane: so it is not her outstanding beauty and hot, hot, hot body..

Tina: oh yeah, that too.but , no…it is her spiritI dont think that anybody realizesnot everybody gets to see..but Bette gets more joy out of other peoples happiness than you could possibly imagine..

Shane: oh, Ive felt it.

Tina: it actually is the one thing that truly makes her happy.when Dana wins a tournament.when Kit gets a great gig..when Alice gets her article as a lead story.when your clients go on about their new look.no one gets more joy out of seeing their friends happy & successful than Bette..there is no envyno competitionand actually no ego..it is pure joy at other peoples happiness..even the artists.

Shane: the artists?

Tina: yes, I meanyou know it is her job to discover great talent.but she isnt driven by her gallery or the CAC doing well, she isnt even driven by her own standing in the art community..for her it is the pure pleasure of seeing the artists creation appreciated & shared..the joy of the artist when their work touches someoneand when she can facilitate that pleasure for the artist and for the person appreciating it she feels their pleasure..

Shane: and for you..

Tina: wellBette can be truly amazing.really.Bette will do anything to make me happy..she really does love to see me joyful..anything from a gardening tool I happen to see in a catalog .to

Shane: to.

Tina: to doing everything possible so that I could have a child.

Shane: she really loves you

Tina: that love was such a gift..such a beautiful gift that wrapped around me .and I dont want to live without it.but it hasnt felt that way in a while.and now.this

Shane: okwell, you believe that Bette loves you..

Tina: yes..although, I dont understand how we got here.but I cant believe that my feelings for her can exist without them being returnedas if one couldnt exist without the other.and since I have to admit that I have these feelings.even though right now I wish I didnt.I also have to believe that they are reciprocal.but I need to know why this happened..why did Bette act in a way that is so unlike her

Shane: I think you know why

Tina: what do you mean.you would have to ask Bette why she could do this to us.

Shane: look.nobody knows Bette better than you..and you believe that she loves youit was only your own defenses that are preventing you from seeing why..but you do know whyand as important as it is for Bette to understand it.it would be best for you to get there by yourself.that way it doesnt seem like just an excuse from Bette but rather something that you perceive and embracethat you actually know and feel it in your gut.

Tina: youre saying that I could know why.even if Bette doesnt.

Shane: yes.Im not saying that Bette doesnt know.in fact I believe that her defenses are coming down as well and she is opening up to understanding herself better.some real introspection..but I do believe that you know independent of Bettes realization..you are so sensitive to her needs..what is it that drove her to this.

Tina: the problem is that when I try to be honest about our situation,.I get very sadand very madnot at herbut at myself.for not sensing her needsfor letting my own defenses get in the way and not being compassionate about her pains.for everything that we talked about last time..

Shane: ok.well for you to be feeling that means that you do sense what torment Bette was in.that at least on some level you were aware of it..just, maybe the cloud you were under.the disturbance in your thinking prevented you from being able to helpbut the information is there..why do you think Bette did this?

Tina: well,, you are rightI do know Betteto the rest of the world she is this self assured, together, accomplished person..but Bette actually lives with a great deal of anxiety.and her predominant striving.her strongest need is to be loved or approved of.

Shane: Bette would probably minimize her upbringing and the influence it had in forming her,but in fact, her father would withhold his love as a tool, as control, to show his dominance

Tina: and Bette needed to please him.to receive his affection and approval.this striving fort constant input that she is lovable affects every action she takes..she lives in constant anxiety that she is not acting perfectly.. to have this anxiety reducedher wish for love, for affection is incredibly strong.I know that it is a basic need in us allbut for Bette it is exaggerated and in order to quell the rising anxiety she will do almost anything..

Shane: and so her acting on this drive.this neurotic need for affection.this drive that is determined by anxiety.

Tina: I think I understand.

Shane: tell me.