“Jenny, have you ever regretted that you became an escort?”

    “Is that what this is about?” Jenny querried gently.
“Are you regretting that you chose to get into this business?”

    Tina sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve
never regretted anything I’ve ever done. Never. My life may not be what
parents dream their children to have… but I’m here, you know? I’m not
on the streets, shooting up or… whoring…” Tina slapped a palm hard
on the bed, “At least that’s what I’ve always thought. But Jenny, isn’t
what we do… whoring too? We don’t do it on the streets, but we DO
have ***** with people for money, don’t we?”

    Jenny nodded and listened patiently.

    “And… well I’ve never felt sorry for myself. The
truth is, I enjoy earning my money this way. I love women… you know
that… I love women’s bodies… I love the way they make me feel. I’d
thought that the money was just a happy side-effect, you know? But,”
Tina closed her eyes, “But other people will never see it that way.”

    “I’m sorry Tina.” Jenny put a hand on Tina’s. “But you knew that from the very start.”

    “I did! I did. But I guess I didn’t KNOW know it. Every woman I’ve met have been wonderful to me.”

    “Coz they all want you.”

    “Yeah. I mean, I guess. But then… they never
really showed me… disgust? The… disgust that…” Tina’s voice
dropped to a whisper, “… that Bette did.”

    “Disgust?”

    “No, not disgust. I don’t know what it is. Just that
it hurt so much. Jenny, how could she hurt me so much, so easily?”

    “I don’t know Tina.”

    Tina stared up at the ceiling some more. “It’s
exhausting, you know? Sometimes, and it’s very bad of me to think this
way, but sometimes I wonder if Bette will ever… just be Bette. And I
will just be Tina. And we can just go out, and date, and watch a movie
and go dancing, and end a date with a goodnight kiss.”

    “You want Bette to change? And you want to change too?”

    Tina was silent for a long time as she contemplated the questions. Jenny sat patiently.

    “I don’t want Bette to change one bit. In fact I
wish she could show herself to me more. I look at her and all I see is
a thick enormous… mask… body cast?” Tina chucked wrily. “Something
that’s not her but enveloping her. I just couldn’t get in. I wish… I
wish I could really see her.”

    “And yourself?”

    “I wish she could really see me too.”

    Jenny smiled in understanding. “So what are you going to do now?”

    “I still want her Jenny. I want her so badly. I might be in love with her.”

    “So what are you gonna do?”

    “I might have to look for a real job. Or I could go
back to school to get a college degree.” Tina gazed thoughtfully at her
friend. “Jenny, will I be okay?”

    Jenny smiled. “You’re gonna be fine whatever you do,
Tina. You’ve saved up a lot. Maybe it’s time for you to ‘retire’.” They
both laughed a bit. Tina suddenly felt light and knew that whatever
happened with Bette, she was indeed going to be alright.

     “Thanks Jenny.”

    “Don’t mention it. Half this house is yours, and half my soul is too. We’re sisters, remember?”

    Tina rose up and hugged Jenny tightly, grateful, in all the bullshit going on in her life, for friendship.

TBC