‘We’re supposed to talk calmly so no one feels the need to get defensive.  I need to admit the things that make me angry without blaming or belittling, then look at the emotion behind the anger, frustration, fear or hurt and then together we’re supposed to come up with a way to do something about the cause that we can both live with or decide if we’re better off ending our relationship.  At some point we have to decide what our goal is, why we’re doing this.’

‘How much of this are we supposed to do before we make another appointment with Foxworthy or do you want to hold off on that?’

‘We have an appointment Tuesday morning, if that’s all right with you, he still had our original time open.’

‘That’s fine, I just don’t want you to do anything you aren’t ready to do.’

‘Well, right now, I think I’m ready to try to talk.’

‘Can I ask for one thing?’

‘What?’

‘That we can ask for a break if we need it.’

‘Absolutely, we are each allowed to ask for a break at any time.’

* * * * *

Tina spent the next few hours telling Bette how she had felt the past couple of years.  That she felt hurt when Bette neglected her for work and put her father’s approval above Tina’s feelings.  How much she hurt when Bette directed her anger at her when she was really angry over work.  How frustrated she was when Bette seemed uncomfortable showing any affection in front of her father when she was usually openly affectionate when they were together.  How afraid she was when she stopped feeling safe with Bette.

Bette sat quietly and listened, never interrupting and only needing a break when they were talking about Melvin.  Bette had gone through so much in her own therapy that she had recognized most of the things Tina pointed out.  She responded to each of Tina’s points without becoming defensive.  She made sure she acknowledged Tina’s feelings.  Bette felt she was more able to recognize her indirect way of dealing with her own anger and hoped she would be able to prevent her past behavior from recurring.  She knew most of her shortcomings could be traced back to her obsessive need for her father’s love and approval.  If she had gotten nothing else from therapy she had finally realized Melvin wasn’t capable of the kind of unconditional love and acceptance a parent should be able to show their child.  If the truth were known this was most likely the root of her own insecurities about being a parent.  She wondered if this was why she had pulled away from Tina and headed down her own self-destructive path.  They decided to leave talk of the affair for another time.  They both felt they had talked enough for the time being.