”I tried to hold out, but I overestimated myself…to think that I could actually hold on to the last. Tina, I’m… I’m in love with you…”

Speechless, Tina gaped at Helena as if she was an alien.

”I know it’s probably a shock, but I was in love with you since the day one… At first I wasn’t paying attention and thought I liked you just because you’re a good person, then I was in a huge denial, I couldn’t believe I had managed to develop feelings for you. I tried not to show it, God knows I tried, but I can’t anymore and I–”

”Stop, stop” Tina objected in a whisper. ”Stop…” Leaning her elbows against the wooden table and resting her forehead in her palms, the blown away blonde closed her eyes. ”Oh my God…”

Helena bit her lip, watching the consequences of her love confession come unfold in front of her. Though having had predicted this kind of reaction, she had a hope for reaching some understanding from Tina.

Muttering incoherently under her nose, Tina tried to recollect herself. She lifted her head. ”Does Bette know about this?”

”That I’m in love with you? No, no, of course not. And she better not in the foreseeable future.”

”And Alice?”

”Of course she doesn’t know either, she would be heartbroken”

”No, what about Alice? Don’t you love her?”

”Oh, that… Alice yes… I love her very much, she makes me feel good. But it’s not the same, I don’t love herlike I love you… You know what I mean?”

”I guess…” Tina mumbled, her voice deprived of any motive power.

”I’m sorry if it’s hard, but I just wanted you to know how I feel…”

”God, Helena… What am I supposed to do with this now?”

Trying not to reveal her hurt feelings, Helena merely lifted her shoulders.

”What am I gonna do… How am I going to look Alice in the eyes now? How… Oh God, I don’t even know how to deal with Bette and whether I want to be with her or not after everything she has done, and now this…”

Helena puffed her cheeks and let out the breath she was holding.

”I need time, Helena… I barely can think now, so much load has fallen on my shoulders… This is just too much for me…”

When the blonde began to stand up, appearing to be a little unstable on her legs, Helena leaped from her seat too and grasped Tina’s hand, stopping her from going away. Tina immediately tensed at the touch and lifted her eyes, giving Helena a rather threatening look. Seeing Tina’s scowl, the brunette quickly broke the contact as if Tina’s hand was on fire.

Shamefaced, Helena did a small step back. ”May I drive you back home?” She asked self-consciously.

”I’m able to drive myself”

”Tina, you’re upset, can I please–” Catching Tina’s no-nonsense look, Helena sighed and threw her hand in the air as she watched Tina’s back retreat out of the cafe’s walls. She flopped back into her chair heavily. ”Fuck…”

Once outside Tina looked around the streets, all of sudden becoming a bit disoriented. She registered her car and started to rush to its safety, but in the process stumbled on something, almost falling face down to the ground. Succeeding in keeping her balance and not really caring what was under her feet that caused her to trip over Tina finally made it inside her car.

Gasping for air, Tina put a hand on her chest. Although she felt the severe pounding of her heart, that was not what she was thinking about. Actually her first thought was to call Bette and tell her everything. But when she realized that there were already two reasons why couldn’t she call Bette, Tina burst into bitter tears.

She would do like about anything now to make it all go away, to delete all the heart-rending facts of her current life that were so damn hard to accept… She would do anything now to fall into Bette’s protective embrace and lose contact with this harsh reality she was living with.

She was happier, when she didn’t know anything. She was happier, when she was unaware…

The absurdity of her thoughts made Tina wail in excruciation.

There… She felt it… It was her heart that broke into two pieces. It was her heart that was broken completely now…