She was not well, Tina admitted to herself, not at all. Prescription for Vicodin was not enough to numb the reality weeks ago. The first time she ever brought home the illicit content, it had been an accident, she returned most of it back. The second time, she found a bag that missed the burner schedule. Today, she lied to her friend just to score a line of coke. Immature, pathetic, coward, all would be appropriate adjectives to describe herself.

But she needed it. She needed to feel it, she needed to feel her.

When the white power was neatly dissolved in a needle tube, and injected into her bouncy vein, she closed her eyes and waited for the world to swirl. Her heart started to race loudly under her eardrums, noises from the railroad was even insignificant in comparison.

When she reopened her eyes, a vague figure appeared at the corner of her sight. She turned her head in its direction, and her smile broadened, “Bette…”

The woman walked closer under her gesture. She walked quietly, not a step was heard. And she gently sat down beside her. Big watery eyes reflected the moon, pools of silent sadness.

“You’re disappointed.” Tina bit her bottom lip and murmured timidly.

The brunette let out a light sigh, and traced her finger on the pale face with great tenderness. “I understand.”

“Of course you do.” A laughter escaped her lips, “you’re my hallucination, my subconscious, you’re me. I made up some lame excuse to tell me that it’s alright, it’s not my fault so I can feel better.”

“Do you? Feel better…”

“I feel worse.” Tina pressed the mocha colored hand harder into her skin. If she really tried, she could actually feel its comforting warmth. “It’s like all those dreams. I want you to forgive me, so I dream of it. But you couldn’t, you shouldn’t.”

Bette didn’t answer. She just observed her lover with those incredibly gentle eyes.

Tina leaned in, and curled up the length of the brunette’s body, her hands circling at the stronger waist. “Tell me…”

When the blonde didn’t continue, she encouraged, “tell you what?”

“What?”

“I’m your creation, I’ll tell you anything you want me to.”

“You’re ruining it.” Tina protested, pinching her fingers in the woman’s side punitively.

“Ok, ok!” Bette surrendered, and pressed a feathery kiss on the crown of the golden hair, “tell you what?”

“That you’re real.” The blonde snuggled even closer, scared to lose this sense of security and belonging.

Another chuckle rumbled in her chest, “you know I can’t do that.”

“Well then what are you even doing here?” A little enraged, at herself or the brunette she couldn’t decide, Tina pouted.

“Would you want me to leave?”

“No!” Quick to deny, she settled in the soft embrace again, and rested her chin at the crook of Bette’s neck. “I didn’t say you could go.”

So the woman tightened her hold. They breathed in sync for five minutes, neither moving or talking, just enjoying each other’s presence.

“You can’t die, you know.” Tina’s voice broke a little as she spoke. She cleared her throat and requested bossily, “I didn’t say goodbye, so you can never leave me.”

“It’s ok, it’s ok… I won’t.” Bette rubbed her back in an effort to soothe. “I’m right here.” Her whisper smiled into the soft blonde hair indulgently.

Tina could only return a meaningless smile, drowning in this moment of meaningless satisfaction. “I didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Maybe it’s not goodbye.” It was all Bette said before she gently rocked the woman to sleep, defended and guarded her through another cold night.