Tears are now flowing freely from her eyes, I bring my hand to rest on her cheek, “Oh baby don’t cry. Listen I’m here for you. I’m here.”

Her chest rises and falls unevenly as she tries to speak between her tears, “Alice, they want toto cut off my breast. That is not O.K.”

She is right. Cutting off a breast is like a man losing one of his testicles, but more visible. But I don’t care if Dana has one breast, two *****, ***** I wouldn’t care if she has none as long as I still have her.

I reach for one of her hands, “Baby”

She pulls away, “You know what Alice, why don’t you go home. You look like you could use some sleep or something.”

I’m not surprised by her actions. When she got bad, on her worst days I usually took the burden. I know she isn’t herself now and that’s what keeps me around and coming back. I couldn’t imagine being terrified to sleep because I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up. And that’s just the thing she is going through.

“Try again Fairbanks. You aren’t going to shake me that easy.” I do get up, sitting down in a chair across the room, picking up a magazine.

I see her roll her eyes, “Can’t you take a clue Alice, I don’t want you here.”

I flip through my magazine, “Uh huh.”

She weakly throws her arms up in protest, “Seriously Al, leaveI don’t want you to be hereI don’t want you to see me likelike this.”

She still doesn’t get it. I don’t care what she looks like. I don’t care. I walk over to her bed, running my hand over her head. “Dana, don’t you understand? I don’t care about this,” I motion to her headscarf, “I don’t care about these IV’s and machines. When I see you, I just see Dana. Good ol’ goofy Dane.”

I see a slight smile cross her face, “I wouldn’t care if you had no breastsit really makes no difference to me.” I shake my head, “As long as I have this,” I put my hand on her chest, covering her heart.

She nods, “Alice, I’m sorry”

I shake my head, reassuring her, “Don’t worry about it, huh.”

She pulls me close, “You are so good to me. What did I do to deserve you?”

I smile, resting my head on her chest, “I don’t know but I’m thinking you need to thank a couple of mixed cd’s.”

I feel her chuckle, “Yeah, I knew those would come in handy.”