“Uh, cause you are.”

“Whatever, Shane. My mind just wandered…and no, not into a drug-filled haze. I just wasn’t paying attention,” explained an exasperated Alice.

She didn’t understand why everyone automatically assumed that the pills she took were controlling her every word. She was still Alice. And just because she was now on a combination of 3 different medications to calm her nerves, control her anxiety, and lessen her depression, didn’t mean that she couldn’t think for herself. True, she was more medicated now than she’d ever been, and she didn’t really think the amount of alcohol she consumed daily was helping the medication do its proper job, but at least she was trying to get better. And it wasn’t like she herself hid behind the meds as any excuse for her bizarre behavior, so why the hell did everyone else have to blame it on them?

Although when she considered the alternative, having to take full credit for alienating herself and practically driving Dana away with all the spying and accusations, she wasn’t too enthused about that rationale either. She was willing to consider that maybe the pills were responsible for some of her paranoia and insecurity as of late, but she just wished everyone would shut up about it already.

“Okay, fine…I just asked if everything was okay now between you and Dana?”

“Everything’s great, Shane…why wouldn’t it be?” Alice replied smiling, a bit too quickly for Shane’s liking.

That was just another thing Alice was doing lately—denying that there were any problems with herself or her relationship. And it was painfully obvious to everyone who knew her that there were many. It was just easier to not burden her friends with this shit, especially when she figured they already thought she was going crazy and would automatically blame her for everything. They didn’t see the way Dana looked at Lara, or that guilty little way Dana reacted to any of Alice’s accusations. No, all her friends saw was that Alice needed medication to get through the day, and she still acted weird and irrational, regardless. One time she even noticed Bette mouth the words “poor Dana” to Tina during one of Alice’s more public outbursts regarding her girlfriend spending time with the chef. After that Alice concluded that it would be easier for her to act like everything was just peachy and hope that eventually reality would somehow catch up to the fantasy she painted.