Previously

“T, we just don’t have the money for that, I can’t stop working.”

“Wellwhat if I start working again?”

Tina’s P.O.V.

I watch the emotions cascade across Bette’s face. Hurt, confusion, maybe even a little relief. I wait for the words to sink in for her. I’d been really afraid to bring this up before, but lying with her like this, finally talking about things we’ve needed to talk about, I know I can’t wait any longer. It’s almost two minutes before she says anything at all, and when she finally does I’m still not sure how she feels about it.

“Why?”

It seems like a simple enough question, but the answer is so complicated. I take a moment to figure how I’m going say everything because I really don’t want to upset her.

“Well, I know we both thought that it would be a good idea for me to stop working and start focusing on our family. And I know I was the one that really pushed for it. But I can’t help but feel a little lost right now. Like you said, we’ve had so much trouble getting pregnant, when we both thought it would happen right away” Again she looks hurt, as if you had any control over it. I push right through not letting her beat herself up about it.

“Which is not your fault or mine, just something that we have to accept. I guess I’ve just kind of lost my purpose.”

“What do you mean T, lost your purpose?”

“Well, we used to be equal partners, splitting the financial burden evenly. But then that changed, which is fine, to me being the quote unquote home maker and you being the bread winner. I guess what I mean is, if I’m not having a childwhat am I contributing to the relationship?” I finish with a high breathy voice; afraid of what she might say; afraid that she might agree.

I’m wrong of course, and she lets me know it. She pulls herself up higher on the bed dragging me right along with her. When she finally settles she gently cups my face in her hands and looks directly into my eyes. I’m surprised and a little unnerved by the intensity of her stare.