“We deserve more than that Bette, because we are more than that. We aren’t just wives and lovers. We’re directors and script developers; we’re gardeners and art collectors and sisters and children and hopefully one day mothers. We’re women who are too full and complex to be described with just one label. My favorite label will always be Bette and Tina, but it can’t my only label.”

I’m saying this hoping that she will understand that I need to be able to be separated from her as an individual. She has that at work so she may not understand how it feels. I’m looking at her hand while I stroke it, waiting for her to mull things over in her head. I feel her fingers tighten around mine, and I look up to see understand in those chocolate brown eyes. Thank God.

“Like how I can be Bette Porter, wife of Tina Kennard or Bette Porter, Director of the CAC.”

“Exactly, or Bette Porter, Owner and Curator of the Bette Porter Gallery!” I can relax and joke now that I know she understands.

“Tina, we have to be reasonable about this, even if you do go back to work, I wouldn’t risk our savings like that, not when we’re about to start a family.” A horrible look crosses her face and she looks off towards the ceiling somewhere. Her voice is so quiet and quivery, I can hardly make out the words. “Do you not want to have a child anymore T?”

“God no, of course I do. I want to have a baby with you so bad. But quitting work just wasn’t the right move Bette. I can’t focus on it completely, but that won’t mean that we will stop trying. We won’t stop trying until I’m waddling around this house with your baby inside me.”

The smile on her face melts my heart. Sometimes I forget that the confident, strong woman Bette portrays to the rest of the world has flaws and insecurities that only I am privy too. And I love that she reserves them for me.

“So your serious then T, about me quitting my job?”

“Absolutely. You’re not happy, that’s apparent and I know you were just toughing it out for me; making sure that we were provided for. But I can’t be happy if you aren’t, so it’s my turn to provide for you.”