Fan Fiction
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Jess — Plan B, pt. 63
If so, I really don’t want to know why.
Anyway, Aunt Shane is there, and that’s all that’s important. I push my way into the house and into the kitchen.
“Hello to you, too,” she says. And she’s smiling. How can she be smiling at a time like this.
“Aunt Shane, it’s awful.”
“What’s awful, kiddo?”
Yeah. More kid-stuff. Like I need that at a moment like this.
“What’s awful? Mom’s home.”
“Sweet.”
Aunt Shane’s clearly not getting it.
“No, mom’s home.”
“Yeah?”
Sometimes, adults can be so slow.
“So she’s home, and she’s in her room.”
“And?”
Aunt Shane started doing that hand motion thing like I should be speeding up.
“And she and Porter. Are home. Together. In her room.”
“Together.” And like it’s a totally normal thing, Aunt Shane breaks out in a big smile. “Together.”
Why is she repeating that word? Like, didn’t she get it the first time?
“And when you say together you mean”
Not that I ever expect I’ll see Aunt Shane blush, but I think I’m sort of making up for her on this regard.
I threw up my hands and plopped onto a chair. “Do not make me get specific.”
But Aunt Shane was just laughing.
“It’s not funny!”
“Trust me. Someday, it will be.”
“Will not!”
“True, for you, it may never be. But for me”
And with that, Aunt Shane just kept laughing. Why can’t mom have normal friends in her life?
I put my head down on the table. “Kill me now.”
“C’mon, I’m sure they’re just as embarrassed as you are.”
“Not Porter.”
That gave Aunt Shane something to contemplate for a moment. “Well, I’m sure your mom’s embarrassed.”
She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my seat.
“C’mon. You can’t hide here all night.”
“Can’t I?” Sounds like a good idea to me.
Considering what you’re running from, no, you can’t be here tonight.
Great. Aunt Shane’s got a date. No wonder she’s napping.
Too much ***** today! I’m going to be a nun.
(tbc)
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(57 votes, average: 3.74 out of 5)
Haha, Jess cracks me up. “even if it was just backs and limbs.” She makes it sound like chicken parts!! Too funny. Love it.
This story rocks! I’m so glad your’e back.
This is why I’ve missed you. Who else but Jess can make Bette and Tina reuniting sound like the worst possible thing to happen?
Thanks for this hilarious chapter.
great post…..Jess 2 funny….please post soon!
thanks for this chapter. jess is so funny. cant wait to see what happens when B&T get up lol
Awesome. Love that Jess! Thanks for posting, keep em coming!
Poor Jess. Yeah for Tina and Bette though. Jess will get over it. Thanks for another chapter. I love everyone of them.
This is so far the most creative and humorously written story I have read on fan fic. Please continue I am thoroughly enjoying every word.
Excellent chapter, just loved it. Very funny.
P!! can your story get any more fucking awesome. Dawg you rule!! jess is the best thing ever beside sex, coffee and food and can’t forget toilet paper. Can you see me doing the best white person dance??? ok maybe you should be glad your not seeing me try to dance.
You do such a wonderful job of getting into the head of a teenager. Jess’ horror over discovering her mother in bed, in a compromising position was just right on the money.
It’s not just that you don’t want to think of your parents being sexual, but it’s also a matter of how you perceive you will receive that parent’s love going forward. Like Jess said, she is also worried that she’s going to be replaced.
If she was threatened by Bette before, this is only going to reinforce that fear.
Shane’s reaction was priceless. Just what I would expect. Making Jess face the music is a good strategy.
Such a teenager, once again wanting the world to revolve around her!
But as far as I could tell, Tina and Bette were not aware that Jess caught them in bed together, right? Hee hee hee…so the embarrassment will be only on Jess’ part – at least until she says something.
Fabulous chapter. Now, let’s see what happens when they are all together.
Stops mid-story: Wait a minute! Clothes on the floor? Did I miss the ‘welcome home’ sex?
I better go back and read the previous chapter and read into those passionate kisses.
Porter got lucky! Imagine that!
Okay, back to the story…
My dear pseud,
I was having rather a _hitty day today. My world has brightened immensely after reading your story. Thanks so much for coming back to us!
Jess’s funny!
Someone was speculating whether Jess caught them, or made her presence known.
I present exhibit one, her own dialogue:
“I casually exited the room, after maybe saying a word or two.”
Being the brat she is, of course she said something and, of course, she minimized it. I’m sure it was quite pithy.
I pity the fools who have teenaged children!
Okay, I went back and read the previous two chapters with this one, all of a piece. In context, the existence of welcome home sex is readily apparent.
Hey, what can I say? A nuance is as good as a nod to a blind horse.
This chapter alone is a prime example of why we have missed you sooooooooooooooooooo much. You crack me up, your chapters are always so right on the money. At least this chapter confirmed the last when we weren’t quite sure if Bette was dreaming or not. Yes| welcome home sex was had. Yeahoo. My favorite was the red hot poker. Totally cannot wait till your next update. Your the best.
Statute of Limitations – on kids? That is a good one! Ha, ha, ha. That Jess; she should listen to Shane. One day, she will recount this story to her kids and her parents, mom and Porter, will be blushing!
This is so good! It really put a smile on my face since I had car problems on my way home – matter of fact my car is still at the shopping center – I’m waiting for my brother to come get me to replace the battery! So, it’s nice to have been able to read this post and just laugh and be happy!
Thanks muchos.
So funny – and kinda sweet! You have been sorely missed.
So much fun to read and enjoy.
You absolutely reminded me once again why I’ve missed your writing!! GREAT!
This was so funny it made me laugh out loud. I loved the opening sentence, remove my eyes with red hot pokers – LOL. What next P?
Great writing – very clever – the dialog and the narration. I really look forward to your stories.
TG, hold on to your hat…..it was Welcome Home Sex initiated by……. T
techie – you didnt have your glasses on. it was as plain as day. yes, welcome home sex. very nice.
pseud – i love this. see i knew she was at school. i mean she cant be at school all day but at least they got sumptin sumptin. love shane. shes very good for jess. im so glad you gave us christmas early. two in two days. weve been very good commentors. i know it may be too much to ask but hopefully therell be one tomorrow. thanks girl
TG, hold on to your hat…..it was Welcome Home Sex initiated by…….TRed
snQQpy – very nice, huh.
the way you can be in three heads at once in this story is so incredibly wonderful. You were missed and you are really rocking since your return however it does seem Jess saw more than we did and that’s a shame. Love you and your story.
Welocme back pseud you have been missed..funny chapter, very nice.
Thank you.