Once again Paul noted that they spent more of the two minutes in close proximity and separated reluctantly only when it became necessary to complete the exercise. He felt that they were in a good place to move on so he had them sit down again.

“OK ladies remember I said we would practice empathic listening skills? It’s just as important to be heard and understood, and to have someone give you their full attention when you are speaking as it is for you to effectively verbalize your thoughts and feelings. The non-verbal communication sometimes speaks volumes. We’ll learn how to tune into what someone isn’t saying as much as what they are. You will find that if you employ empathic listening techniques the benefits to your communication will be immeasurable. Knowing that your partner is listening without judgment in a safe and supportive environment builds trust and respect. It reduces tension and releases emotions but most importantly it encourages you to bring things to the surface that you might otherwise suppress.

Tina you will be the first to speak. We will focus on your perspective then we’ll repeat the exercise and focus on Bette’s. I’m going to do some probing and direct the coaching but Tina I want you to maintain the eye contact with Bette even as you are answering my questions. There is no time limit or structure. Just speak from the heart, be honest and truthful and speak freely. Say whatever comes to mind and know that you are in a safe environment. I don’t want this to be confrontational but don’t hold back. Let the emotions surface. If things get too uncomfortable for either of you or if you need a break let me know. Otherwise we’ll just keep going. The idea here is to express your emotions and to explore your basic needs while Bette just listens supportively and without response or rebuttal.

Bette I know it could be a bit challenging at first but I don’t want you to sit there thinking about how you will react or what you will debate. You are in listen only mode. Hear what she’s saying verbally and non-verbally. Read her eyes and assess her emotions. This exercise will help you both to learn not only how each of you expresses herself but also how to listen to your partner. Hear the message behind the words. You should also gain some insight on getting some resolution if something comes up that we need to talk through. If you’re ready Tina please tell Bette some of what went through your head and how you felt during the eye contact exercises. What did it bring to mind for you?”